I'm in the process of making some changes around my home by doing some much needed cleaning. Whew! One of the stacks of dusty bits I'm especially emotional about letting go is my exercise video collection. I can almost track my adult life through these tapes.
Yes, I said tapes. I know... I'm showing my age. I even remember receiving music records when I was in middle school. Ha! Anyway...
When my family and I moved two years ago, I cleared out a few videos I hadn't used in years and donated them. These were the ones I purchased on a whim, took a look-see or two and decided they weren't for me. I didn't feel any loss when they left my possession. But the ones I have left... the ones I haven't been able to part with... Yeah, this is going to be tough.
It doesn't seem that letting go of some old, dust-covered shelf clutter should be so difficult, but these tapes tell a story. They tell of a dream I have had for myself for a long time (and still have). That dream? Me; fit, healthy, and confident. Letting go of these videos is like letting go of a piece of myself. But... which part?
On one side, these represent my hope, my determination, my desire to beat the negative thoughts bogging down my efforts and find success at last. This is that fire, that positive drive you feel when you're ready for real change. It's what gets you off the couch, into a pair of comfy sneakers, leaving the package of cookies in the back of the cupboard, and sweating until your arms drop off and you can't stand up. This side is the "I can do this!" side of my journey.
On the other hand, they also represent years of what I used to consider failure. Hundreds of dollars spent trying to find that “magic bullet”, that one tape... one diet... one pill... that would make losing weight easy. Heck, maybe even fun. But they didn't. They couldn't. I know that now. Still, it took years of buying tape after tape after dvd for me to figure that out... years to accept it... years to believe that the product didn't matter. My choices mattered, especially my choice to just move, no matter what form that took and the consequences of not moving... not choosing healthier foods over sugar and fat-laden impulses... chowing down on mass quantities. Years of listening to every negative emotional thought or word spoken to me. Years of not believing I was worth the time or effort. This side represents the "You can't do it!" side of my journey.
I'm still going to hang on to a few select videos; those that I feel are still useful to have around. I have my yoga set, my hour-long aerobics video with the great crunches section, my resistance band workout, and a few area-specific workouts (arms, glutes, abs) that an old friend of mine made me copies of. I'm also adding a few new dvds to the mix; ones that I'm already starting to form love-hate relationships with: Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred and Bob Harper's Inside Out Method Super Strength training. Both of these are where I aspire to be fitness-wise. Both of these are (for the moment) downright scary to me. Still, I'm sure that one day I'll look back on these with the same affection that I feel for my old videos. Right now, Bob and Jillian are frightening! But that's not going to stop me from using getting the most I can out of them.
I am reminded of a song I learned in Girl Scouts when I was a much younger girl...
Make new friends, but keep the old;
One is silver and the other's gold.
My fitness videos are my “friends”, no matter where on my journey I may be. May I always be surrounded by good ones. :)
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