Weigh In Day... A Little Early

With a blizzard on its way into my area, I went to Weight Watchers a day early. I wanted to be sure I had a proper weigh-in and catch this week's meeting. I've come to accept how incredibly important it is to my continued success to get in every week (no matter what). Here are my results which, I must mention, I'm happy with. Why? After last week's dramatic loss, I assumed that I would show a gain this week. I just wanted it to be small. 0.8lbs is fantastic considering I was expecting at least 1.5 - 2lbs. I'll take this.

Hope your week is going well! I'll be back again soon... as soon as I shovel my way through the snow drifts...

WW Weigh-In for Jan. 31rd: 228.8 lbs

Weight Lost since Last Weigh In: +0.8 lbs

Total Weight Lost since May 2009: 33.4 lbs

Highest Weight: 262.2 (May 2009)
Lowest Weight: 224.6 (Aug 2010)

Happy Week, But Where Did the Time Go?

I have to apologize. I promised a new blog post days ago, before this week became crazy. And since I keep my promises, here I am! You forgive me, right? Yes? Good! :)

Last week (and this week so far) has been absolutely wonderful! It's been months since I've felt this good, this comfortable about my food choices and work towards my weight loss/gaining health goals. I've had a lot of support and encouragement lately, which is always appreciated, especially from some folks who know exactly what I'm going through. You guys have been great! Thank you!

Have you ever noticed how inspiring and motivating support can be when you're in a positive head space than when you're wallowing in negativity? That happens to me a lot. I'll be really depressed and the encouragement feels more like a reminder of failure or a slap in the face. When I'm feeling better, when my head's in the game a bit more, then the positive words I hear resonate with me and help motivate me even more. Do any of you have this issue? Does this journey ever feel like an unforgiving rollercoaster sometimes? I know it does for me.

So, mentally, I've been very positive lately. Physically, I've been battling a nasty respiratory infection that just won't let go. It's fighting me every step of the way, though (as of Friday) I'm starting to feel like my "normal" self again. As of today, I'm still clearing out the last vestiges of its grip on my lungs, just in time for my stress test tomorrow. I may even try a workout today, though I know it won't be easy. I've been out of commission for nearly 2 weeks now, so it's about regaining some ground first, then back into a full-on exercise schedule. Still, I know it'll feel good to sweat again even if it means a gain on the scale.

Going back to some of the support I've been receiving lately... If you read about my binge and break-down a couple of weeks ago, you know that one big source of support has been my Weight Watchers leader and meeting members. I've returned to my usual Tuesday night meeting and I know that was an important and positive change for me. A number of the regulars have been with me since I started, so they know what I've been through and encourage me every step of the way. This week, I had an amazing moment with a wonderful Lifetimer. She lost close to 100lbs and has kept it off for years now. She is at the meeting every Tuesday and is a wonderful source of ideas and inspiration. I sat next to her this week and she told me that she was glad I was back on Tuesdays, that I had been missed and that I... *I* was inspiring to her. To HER! Can you say flabbergasted?! I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. Here is an amazing lady that I look at every week, saying to myself that if she could do it, I can too. She is my example, my vision of success every week and she called me an inspiration. Just wow...

Another source has been a couple of my blog/twitter friends; Kenz at All the Weigh (@alltheweigh) and Brad Gansberg at Brad Gansberg's Thoughts On... (@bradgansberg). They've sent me some tweets to keep my spirits up when I was down and cheered me on when I was successful. Even more motivational was achieving a goal I had wanted to for several weeks; my 7 Day Chip! If you haven't heard of this, here's Brad's explanation. Basically, it's making choices and following though on those choices for 7 days in a row. For me, those choices included: no binges, tracking, and feeling confident in those choices. Last Monday, I had stuck to those choices for 7 complete days, earning my 7 Day Chip. Tomorrow will be 14 days completed and nearly halfway to achieving my 30 Day Chip. I can't wait!

Even though I was sick, I've been back on a healthy track (sans exercise) for nearly two weeks now and I can say I'm feeling very good about it. I was even able to make it through last night's Italian Pasta Night with my friends without starving, binging, or feeling guilty. I chose sensible portions, enjoyed a few (small) glasses of wine, even had some tiramisu for dessert. Unlike the hubby, I ended the meal feeling satisfied, but not stuffed to the gills. It was a wonderful time for all of us and we have plans to do it again next month (mexican night) to help celebrate two birthdays (one being mine. Yay!) It reminded me that I'm not on a "diet", but just changing my life for the better.

Weigh-in this week may or may not happen on Tuesday as the weathermen here in northern Illinois are predicting snow on Monday leading to blizzard-like conditions for Tuesday and Wednesday. I may go to WW tomorrow to make sure I can get this week's meeting and an official weigh-in in for the week. I'm not too concerned about the number on the scale. After last week's crazy 6.8lb loss, I wouldn't be surprised if my body freaks out a little and I show a gain. I'm just hoping the gain is small.

Tomorrow is also the deadline for My Goal #1. I never defined my monthly goals out loud as they're determined on a month-by-month basis depending on what would be best to help me continue finding success. This month's goal (in my mind) was to show a net loss for the month. No specific number. Just a loss for January. I feel that this is going to happen though Tuesday's/tomorrow's weigh-in will determine how much of a loss. I think next month's goal will be similar unless I have other difficulties along the way.

Overall, a great two weeks and I am optimistic for the coming week as well. Even if I get buried under a mountain of snow, I have my 30 Day Shred and Super Strength dvds at the ready. My hand weights, yoga mat, resistance band, and clean exercise clothes leave me no excuses. Even if the power goes out, I have stairs that I can use. No excuses!

Click here for more Empty Calories

Have a great week everyone! If you don't hear from me in the next few days, send in an arctic extraction team armed with plenty of tiramisu and Ben & Jerry's. Oh, and pizza. My little guy requests pizza... Extra cheese...

Weigh-In Day!

Today was Weigh In Day at my Weight Watchers meeting and boy oh boy, what a difference a week can make! So many good things! I wish I had more time right now to blog them, but unfortunately, I have to get to sleep. I will post very, very soon though!

Hope your week is going well!

WW Weigh-In for Jan. 25rd: 228.0 lbs

Weight Lost since Last Weigh In: -6.8 lbs

Total Weight Lost since May 2009: 34.2 lbs

Highest Weight: 262.2 (May 2009)
Lowest Weight: 224.6 (Aug 2010)

So Far, So Good, Still Sick...

Hey everyone! Just wanted to drop by for a moment and do a little Happy Snoopy Dance. Why? Because I've been tracking like a fiend for the last several days, making great food choices, and feeling pretty dang good over all. Yay me! (finally!)

Well, it has from a "I'm-trying-to-lose-weight-and-be-healthier" kind of way. My sinuses would disagree as my little guy's cold had embedded itself within them and has made working out very difficult. No fever (thank God!!) but still hard to do any kind of bends or faster movements when your head feels like it's filled with cement. I did get some light swimming in today with the hubby and little guy. 40min just moving gently in the warm pool felt really good! Made me wish I could jump on the elliptical or push myself with some weights, jump and kick in class or dig into some laps in the pool. Soon...

I did have a motivating moment today (besides the pool). I was at the doctor's office to follow up on some tests I had done recently and, as they usually do, the nurse weighed me. Now, my official weigh-ins are on Tuesdays at my Weight Watchers meeting, so I'm not changing my tickers or anything. But, it definitely felt good to see a number in progress. Since I had mentioned that I have been trying to lose weight, she was kind enough to take a few minutes and really try to get an accurate reading for me (Can we say awesome nurse?!). She weighed me in at 230lbs. YAY!! That's over 4.5lbs less than last Tuesday's weigh-in!! Again, it's not an official WW weigh-in and it's only halfway through my Tues-Mon week. But, even with some water retention and whatnot, as long as I stick to my tracking, good choices, and getting some kind of activity in over the next few days, I feel like I'm on track for an official weigh-in loss.

*happy dance*

My biggest challenge is tomorrow (Saturday) night when we host an Italian-themed Engagement dinner for some friends. 9 adults and 4 little ones with a spread of lasagna, shrimp alfredo, garlic bread, salad, tiramisu and spumoni. Probably some wine as well.

Yeah, I know. Sounds heavenly, doesn't it? All homemade and almost none of it low-fat. *drool*

I've been saving my weekly points for this. But, even with those available to me, I still have a Points+ - lite breakfast planned, some filling and healthy ideas for a light lunch, and a plan of attack for the evening's festivities. I am not going into this dinner without a strategy! Not a chance! I've worked too hard to just throw my week out the window. I will choose carefully and track as best as I can everything I eat. I know I'll be earning some activity points just from running around cleaning beforehand (I have a two-story house, so lots of up and down stairs.) I will enjoy what I eat, the good company, and remember that this is just another part of my life to have fun with. It's gonna be a good time! :)

Hope you have a fabulous weekend too! See you next week!

First Challenge of 2011!

I know! Two blog posts in one day! Crazy! But I just had to share this...

The ever-fabulous Kenlie at All The Weigh has just issued a challenge and I'm taking her up on it!

The Family and Friends Getting Fit Challenge starts on Monday, January 24th (that's this coming Monday, y'all) and lasts 5 weeks. Long enough to make a difference; short enough to be an achievable goal. Check out the link above to get all of the details.

For me, this is a perfect challenge at a perfect time. Five weeks will give me the time I need to sort out some of my current weight loss dilemmas and help me get back on the path of success. A time-frame to clean house, work out the bugs, and start showing some losses on the scale. I'm excited!!

So if you're feeling like you need a little kick in the rear to get 2011 going, then join us in this fast and fabulous challenge! We can do it!

Binge Day Part Deux

2c Chocolate-covered Popcorn - 16 Points Plus  (4pts+ per 1/2c. I may have eaten more than 2c. No measuring, so this is my best guess)

2 whole wheat pancakes (homemade) (2 Pts+ each) with 3T Almond cake/pie filling (?? Pts+), 1/2c Sugar Free Cherry Pie filling (1 Pts+) and 1/2c Fat Free Reddi Wip (0 Pts+)

2 Gordon's Garlic & Herb Breaded Fish Fillets (6 Pts+) plus 1 1/2c Curly Fries (?? Pts+) and 1T Ketchup (0 Pts+)

This may not seem horrific except that this was after I had eaten (in a healthy manner) all of my daily points. This was after I should have finished for the day.

After Sunday's binge (and Saturday's bad choices), I have no Weekly Points left, so I'm now... once again... running at a deficit. I'm not even sure exactly how much of a deficit. I just know that something... some things... are just not working and that if I don't 1) figure out what and 2) fix it soon that I'll continue this negative streak. That thought does not sit well. So, I'm going to examine this situation as objectively as possible, go over what's worked for me in the past, see what's changed since then, and make some additional changes.

Possible areas for change #1: Day of the week I start (and end) my tracking. I used to track Tuesday thru Monday. I liked this as the weekend fell in the middle of my week, making it easier to spread out my points. Since the beginning of 2011, I've tracked Saturday thru Friday. I think this may be one of the larger problems as I seem to be eating to the point of binging over the weekend, leaving nothing (or even a deficit) for the week. By Friday (date night), I have nothing extra, a bunch of negative emotions built up, and no chance to recover by Weigh In.

Yeah, I think this point needs to change! It's an easy change to make and I know I was successful before, so why not?

Possible areas for change #2: Tuesday Night Weigh Ins: Again, having a group of folks who have seen you every week is part of the support that I knew I needed when I started. The same leader who gets to know you, helps you, works with you... Lately, I've been bouncing around between various meetings. While I've heard the same information as everyone else, I've been with groups of people who don't know me, don't know what I've struggled with... and leaders who are wonderful, but it's not the same as my regular meeting leader. She knows me well and that knowledge can make all the difference.

Her name's Denise. She runs meetings on Sundays and Tuesday evenings. This week, I went to her Sunday meeting. I was desperate for a good WI (good = loss of any kind) and found out I was up a full pound. It was awful. I was very upset. Even the receptionist that was weighing me in was worried about me. She tried to get me to stay after the meeting was over, but I was barely able to sit through the meeting. I just wanted to run away, but the neighbor who had helped get me to WW in the first place happened to be there. I felt obligated to stay (thank goodness). After the meeting, I went on a mini (and damaging) binge. But, after I finished the last doughnut, I did something positive. I went back to the WW office to see if Denise was still there. She was. As soon as she saw me, tearing up in the street, she brought me back into the office and we talked. She looked over my tracker and Weigh In record. She pointed out some positives and helped me face the choices that had led me to gain the pound. She calmed me, gave me perspective, and let me know that she's there to support me no matter what.

This is why I went to Weight Watchers in the first place. For the support. I know I can't do this alone and with Denise and the rest of the WW crew, I don't need to. Thanks ladies! :)

So, I will continue to search out ways to help me be successful and I will continue to blog both my good days and bad days. I will use everything at my disposal to reach my goals. Life isn't going to stop, so I'll continue to navigate my way through the hurdles and roadblocks. I'm not giving up!

My blog friend, Stephen Vinson over at Who Ate My Blog sent out a tweet earlier that reminded me of this and, considering what I've been doing lately, I know I needed the reminder...

Today is a new day and a chance to make my next choice a healthy one. I'd say wish me luck, but it's not luck that'll get me there. Just send some positive vibes my way. I'll do the rest. :)

Weigh In Sunday = Binge Day

Weighed in today at my Weight Watchers meeting. Went up a full pound. I forced myself to sit through the meeting when all I wanted to do was go sit in my car and cry. After the meeting, I had that cry, then headed to the nearest McDonalds and ate. A lot. I then headed to my local grocery store to pick up some healthy basics. I ended up including 3 very fattening doughnuts in my bag. Yeah, those didn't survive either.

In the spirit of honesty and getting past this momentary setback, I'm going to lay out my binge here:

McDonalds: Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit, Hash Brown, Fruit & Maple Oatmeal, small Orange juice

Grocery Store: Chocolate Glazed Yeast Doughnut, Apple Fritter, Cinnamon Roll  with Coconut Pecan Frosting (German Chocolate cake topping)

My other choices today have been healthy, but the damage has already been done. Tomorrow morning, I will pick myself back up, head to the gym (bright and early) and have a session with a personal trainer. I will let this negative mood go and return to working (in a positive manner) towards my goals. I know that as long as I believe I can do this, I will succeed!

WW Weigh-In for Jan. 16rd: 234.8 lbs

Weight Lost since Last Weigh In: +1.0 lbs

Total Weight Lost since May 2009: 27.4 lbs

Highest Weight: 262.2 (May 2009)
Lowest Weight: 224.6 (Aug 2010)

Halfway there!

Wow, can you believe January is already half over?! Christmas seems like a dream long past and any New Year's antics are in the history books. Resolutions? Once seeming fresh and new may now be just broken bits of failure lingering in the corners of your mind.

I hope not.

I hope everyone who decided that this was the year they were going to change their life in a healthy way are still going strong. Unfortunately, many have already given up, deciding they just can't do it, just can't make it work. Their list of excuses is long and familiar... No time to workout, no money for exercise equipment/gym membership, can't make healthy meals because the family won't like/eat them...

no, no, no... can't, can't, can't...

I know these well and so many more. For 25 years (starting in my teens), every year I swore "This year's gonna be different!" I talked, I planned, I shopped, I signed... I did everything but make a 100% commitment and put the work and effort into making the change happen. So, nothing happened. I felt like I had failed... again... and then left the pieces in the corners of my mind until the holidays rolled around. Then the guilt would start, the "If I had only done something earlier in the year. If only I hadn't given up. If only..." Soon, New Year's would be upon me and the cycle would start all over again.

Year after year... failure after failure...

So what happened in 2009 that broke me out of this vicious cycle? To be honest, I'm not sure. Best guess? I think becoming a mom was a large part of it. Here I was with a very active 1 1/2 year old who's favorite activity was to run. I couldn't run. I had no energy, every joint hurt and I lacked any kind of lung capacity. I was a blob of person who couldn't find a way to play with her son. I hated that with a passion! It led me to examine what had worked (in terms of losing weight) in the past for me and what hadn't. I began to see that my "failures" were actually lessons to learn from. So, what did I need to be successful?

In the end, I decided to give an organized program a try; not because I felt you can't lose weight without one, but I knew that I needed the support of a group, of a leader, and the accountability that comes with a plan. But, I didn't want to live off of prepackaged meals or restrictive food plans. I wanted the responsibility of learning how to live a healthy lifestyle, so that when I had lost the weight, I'd be prepared to continue living my life in a healthy way. I needed the framework, but it was up to me to make the commitment, put in the time and effort, and to stay accountable to those that were there to help me.

So, I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting in May 2009. I found my framework. I found my groups and leaders to be accountable to, and I made the commitment to never give up on myself. No matter what.

Now it's halfway through January 2011 and, after many slips, many difficult stretches of times, I am still here; still committed to finding my way to a healthier lifestyle. I have branched out into blogging, finding many others who are on their own journeys, supporting, laughing, crying together. I have found a comfortable and supportive gym (my local YMCA)  and have been taking full advantage of their programs and facilities. I've even rediscovered my joy of swimming there! I'm finding out that healthy eating doesn't mean tiny portions or being restrictive. I can eat anything I want. I just need to be mindful in my eating and do so in moderation.

Most important, I know... I believe... that I can do this! I have never been so sure of this in my whole life. Having that belief carries me through the "I don't wanna..." "I don't feel like it..." "I wanna (do something unhealthy)" and let's me know that even when I get off-track that it's ok. I'm worth the time, the effort, the struggle and that, while there's no starting over, there's always another opportunity to make the next choice a healthy one.

I hope your 2011 is going well... your resolutions going strong... your faith in yourself never wavering... one choice at a time!

The Journey of My (Fitness) Life or 1*800*Buy*This

I'm in the process of making some changes around my home by doing some much needed cleaning. Whew! One of the stacks of dusty bits I'm especially emotional about letting go is my exercise video collection. I can almost track my adult life through these tapes.

Yes, I said tapes. I know... I'm showing my age. I even remember receiving music records when I was in middle school. Ha! Anyway...

When my family and I moved two years ago, I cleared out a few videos I hadn't used in years and donated them. These were the ones I purchased on a whim, took a look-see or two and decided they weren't for me. I didn't feel any loss when they left my possession. But the ones I have left... the ones I haven't been able to part with... Yeah, this is going to be tough.

It doesn't seem that letting go of some old, dust-covered shelf clutter should be so difficult, but these tapes tell a story. They tell of a dream I have had for myself for a long time (and still have). That dream? Me; fit, healthy, and confident. Letting go of these videos is like letting go of a piece of myself. But... which part?

On one side, these represent my hope, my determination, my desire to beat the negative thoughts bogging down my efforts and find success at last. This is that fire, that positive drive you feel when you're ready for real change. It's what gets you off the couch, into a pair of comfy sneakers, leaving the package of cookies in the back of the cupboard, and sweating until your arms drop off and you can't stand up. This side is the "I can do this!" side of my journey.

On the other hand, they also represent years of what I used to consider failure. Hundreds of dollars spent trying to find that “magic bullet”, that one tape... one diet... one pill... that would make losing weight easy. Heck, maybe even fun. But they didn't. They couldn't. I know that now. Still, it took years of buying tape after tape after dvd for me to figure that out... years to accept it... years to believe that the product didn't matter. My choices mattered, especially my choice to just move, no matter what form that took and the consequences of not moving... not choosing healthier foods over sugar and fat-laden impulses... chowing down on mass quantities. Years of listening to every negative emotional thought or word spoken to me. Years of not believing I was worth the time or effort. This side represents the "You can't do it!" side of my journey.

I'm still going to hang on to a few select videos; those that I feel are still useful to have around. I have my yoga set, my hour-long aerobics video with the great crunches section, my resistance band workout, and a few area-specific workouts (arms, glutes, abs) that an old friend of mine made me copies of. I'm also adding a few new dvds to the mix; ones that I'm already starting to form love-hate relationships with: Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred and Bob Harper's Inside Out Method Super Strength training. Both of these are where I aspire to be fitness-wise. Both of these are (for the moment) downright scary to me. Still, I'm sure that one day I'll look back on these with the same affection that I feel for my old videos. Right now, Bob and Jillian are frightening! But that's not going to stop me from using getting the most I can out of them.

I am reminded of a song I learned in Girl Scouts when I was a much younger girl...

Make new friends, but keep the old;

One is silver and the other's gold.

My fitness videos are my “friends”, no matter where on my journey I may be. May I always be surrounded by good ones. :)

Weigh-In Day = Frustration

Today, I weighed in at my Monday evening Weight Watchers meeting. Needless to say, the results were frustrating as I have tracked every day since Jan. 1st and dragged myself to the gym several times. I dunno... I'm just frustrated with the roller coaster that seems to be my weight loss journey. I understand that there will be times of gain due to water retention, my menstrual cycle, those off-days, etc., but I can't seem to lose with any kind of regularity no matter what my efforts are. Up, then down, then up for two weeks, then down... I ended 2010 with a small net gain, but it feels like I wasted a whole year. If I lost on a regular basis with the occasional gain, I think I'd feel better... like I'm making progress. Right now, I don't feel like that at all and that's not good for an emotional eater like me. Not at all. I'll try to resist the best I can, but it hurts. It hurts a lot.

I also know this pain comes from a few different places, not just the weight gain. I have received some very bad news (on top of having a really crappy day today) in addition to many of the same problems my family and I have been having for several months now. The gains only make the negative emotions worse.

Sorry this is such a downer post. I have a number of more upbeat ones I haven't posted yet. This is just my life at this moment. I'll try to cheer things up soon if for no other reason than I won't let this mountain of negative yuckiness break me. Nope, not gonna let it.

WW Weigh-In for Jan. 10rd: 233.8 lbs

Weight Lost since Last Weigh In: +0.8 lbs

Total Weight Lost since May 2009: 28.4 lbs

Highest Weight: 262.2 (May 2009)
Lowest Weight: 224.6 (Aug 2010)

First Weigh In of 2011

While I normally go to a Tuesday evening Weight Watchers meeting , this week I decided to go tonight. I think know I was anxious to see where I stood numbers-wise after the last few weeks of holiday cookie binging. Although I've only been back on plan for a few days, I needed some hard numbers for my tickers (on the left), my goal and motivation printouts, and for the Biggest Loser Pound-for-Pound Challenge I signed up for (more on that in a bit). So, here's the skinny...

WW Weigh-In for Jan. 3rd: 233.0 lbs

Weight Lost since Last Weigh In: 2.6 lbs

Total Weight Lost since May 2009: 29.2 lbs

Highest Weight: 262.2 (May 2009)
Lowest Weight: 224.6 (Aug 2010)


So this is where I stand at the beginning of 2011 and boy, am I ready to change those numbers! If you look over my blog, you'll notice the tickers I've added. The top ticker shows my main goal for the next several months; to reach 199lbs by June. This is a huge goal for me! A weight I haven't seen in nearly 20 years! I don't remember what it looked or felt like to be under 200lbs, so this is gonna be a real challenge, one I know I can reach.

The second ticker shows the overall amount of weight I've lost. My end goal weight is 145lbs, so I have a grand total of 117lbs to lose (from 262 to 145). This allows me to remind myself that no matter how large of a number 117 seems that I'm making progress and WILL get there.

Now, about the Biggest Loser Pound-for-Pound Challenge... This challenge is very much like the Weight Watchers Lose For Good Campaign in the autumn. For every pound lost between now and May 31st, the PFP Challenge will donate money to Feeding America which will in turn donate one pound of food to your local food bank. So, I lose weight (I've pledged 20lbs) = I feed people in need in my community. Sounds like a good deal to me!

If you'd like to join me in this win-win challenge, click here. It's free, quick and easy! Pledge however many pounds you're comfortable with losing and all of your efforts will benefit your local community. You don't even have to be a fan of The Biggest Loser.

Motivations and goals seem to be pouring out of my ears! Now I need to remind myself every day of all the reasons to stay on track, to drag myself to the gym, to say "No thank you" to that extra cookie. It won't be easy. I just need to take it one day at a time... and today was a good day. :)

Made the Changes. Now to Do the Work

Wow... 2011... No flying cars yet, but that's ok. I'd hate to see the insurance bill on those. Yikes! But, as I was saying... 2011... First post. I suppose it should in insightful, witty, and generally positive. Hmmm...

As I sit here at my desk, listening to a great mix on Pandora (My "Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling" station), reflecting on the past year and the changes it brought, I can't help but be a little proud of myself for simply not giving up. While there were several long periods of time where healthy eating, tracking, and exercise didn't quite work out, I'm still here... picking up where I left off... once again committing myself to making the changes needed to be successful on this path. This isn't 'starting over'. This is just the next chapter in my life story. As we would say as kids on the playground, "No do-overs!"

I've started tracking again in my Weight Watchers tracker. Boy, having to relearn Points values isn't fun, but it's part of the effort to be healthier. This led to yesterday's success. I can finally say for the first time in weeks that I didn't give into my near-overwhelming urge to binge of leftover Xmas cookies. I did eat one large Ms. Fields cookie (I blame the hubby for this), but only one. Yay me! Progress feels good!

You may have noticed the changes to the blog; the modified "About Me" page as well as the added pages with my progress pics and my goals for the year (and overall) listed in black and white. I've been inspired lately by many of the bloggers I follow to make these changes and I feel that having my pics and goals right there in my face will help me be more accountable, remind me of my successes, and let me know how close I am to goal... that yes, I can do it!

As my last post stated, I've decided to start the year with great ambition; the goal of losing 40lbs by the end of June. I'm gonna clarify and make this a more specific goal (the one I had in mind when I made the original post); I'm going to lose enough weight to reach 199lbs by the end of June. I'll need to lose approximately 30-35lbs. (I'll know exactly how much after my WW Weigh-In on Tuesday). Why do I want to push myself to lose this much weight? Put simply... because I know I can. I know what I need to do when it comes to food and exercise. I firmly believe that it's an achievable goal; one that can be reached in a healthy manner. What will trip me up from making this goal? Me. If I don't reach this goal, I'll only have myself to blame. Well, blame is not the right word. Blame gets you nowhere (one of the most important lessons I've learned in the past year.) Ok, better way to put it... if I don't reach my 40lb lost goal, it'll be because of my choices and no one else's. I will make or break this goal by my choices alone... unless I'm forced to eat every cookie at the local Ms. Field's, washed down by several Steak-N-Shake milkshakes, to save a preschool from a mad bomber... or something heroic like that... Yeah, I'll sacrifice my goal for that. Gotta do it for the children! Anyway...

Today, I'm adding one more page and my hope is that it'll help me even more. I'm adding a 'Tracking & Exercise' page which will help keep me accountable for days I've tracked my food and how many minutes of exercise I've completed each week. I'm more than nervous to add this as I have a hard enough time tracking in my own tracker, but I'm gonna give it a shot. If it doesn't work out, I'll take it down. But, this year, I'm pulling out the stops to make success the rule and not the exception. I'm printing out pages of goals and motivations to hang around my home, adding pages on the blog, working up a rewards system (in progress)... Whew!

Really, I'm tired of saying I'm on Weight Watchers, that I'm working towards losing weight, then never showing any progress because I let my urge for 'instant gratification' get in the way. Unless I haven't eaten in three days, I don't need 10 cookies. Nor do I need to mindlessly eat them while distracted by the TV. If I want one, I just need to work it into my daily/weekly points. Good choices. That's what it's all about.

I'm excited about 2011!! I'm looking forward to my weekly meetings and weigh-ins. I can't wait to show up at my little brother's college graduation in a new, smaller dress. I know I'll feel more confident at my (thin) cousin's wedding and feel good about having my picture taken with her. Maybe I'll even think about wearing a creative (and sexy) Halloween costumes this year instead of trying to find something that covers my "wobbly bits". I'm thinking Medusa in a strapless armored breastplate...

No matter what happens, I will keep my eyes on the prize (healthy body, mind, soul) and never, ever give up! I'm worth it!

Here's to a healthy, happy, safe and successful 2011!! Let's get this party started!