Why Do We Blog... Really?

So many posts not written down... So many thoughts and feelings, meanderings and innuendos... Wanting so much to be a diamond-in-the-rough writer, but knowing that my choices (both long-term and day-to-day) are allowed to get in the way. Yet, I'm still here and I still write a blog post every day... in my head. They rarely ever see the light of day anymore. Time isn't on my side as I weave my way through the hurtles and pitfalls of life as a mother, wife, daughter, friend, woman, teacher, bookkeeper, nurse, psychologist, paraprofessional, housekeeper, laundress, chef, party planner, cake decorator, attorney, negotiator, comedienne, detective, vet and lover. I'm sure I've missed a few, but that covers most of my official (and unofficial) titles.

So much to do, so little time? Yes and no. I want to do so many different things that I have a hard time narrowing the field down to just a few. That and I'm awful at completing jobs in small parts. To write for just 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there is nearly impossible. My thoughts, my emotions change, my point gets lost amidst ramblings and tangents. In the end, I would end up with several post beginnings and no ends. Not the most conducive way to work. So I write posts in my mind as I exercise or during those precious moments of alone time and never find time to write them down.

Why keep going then? Why not just pack it in? Throw in the towel? Give up the ghost?

Good question.

As this blog became tied into my quest for self-improvement (specifically with weight loss), I found I was unable to give up on it just as I can no longer give up on myself. I love to write. I do and for so many reasons; as a creative outlet for my right-brained Piscean tendencies... for the connection it gives me to my inner self... for the connection to the blogging community at large (knowing I'm a part of something larger than myself or my immediate environment)... for the feedback I receive.

Yeah, that last point... the feedback... a true love-hate relationship with that one. While I never expect comments on my posts, it's the reason I will check my posts over and over again, just to see if someone decided they liked (or disliked) what they read so much that they felt compelled to write me back. A validation that what I've taken time to put down on electronic "paper" evoked enough emotion to cause them to respond.

Each time we bloggers write, we want a reaction of some kind, whether from ourselves and/or from the community. We want to be heard. If we didn't, we'd leave our tales of joy and woe within the confines of our own fevered brains... or write them down in some old-school paper diary fashion. But, we don't. We tip-tip-tip click-click-click away on our desktops, our laptops, our mobile devices and we leave an indelible mark on the electronic world. We know that once we place our mouse over that 'Publish Post' button or let our pinkie finger touch the 'Enter' button ever so slightly that our words will fly through the electron wave of the universe and we will never know who (or what) may see them. We trust they will not fall into the wrong hands, but will be received with positive intentions.

Laughter, tears, tenderness, conviction, calls to action, motivation, inspiration... we hope for the best and, sometimes, fear for the worst. We lay ourselves out for the world to see. We open ourselves up and show that we are nothing but simple, vulnerable human creatures from the planet Earth. We are real, no matter what facade we show the members of our day-to-day dealings. We want to be strong, beautiful, epic in thought, ability, and scope. We want to be known and remembered well. But, we are human... full of faults and fears... each day deciding not only to put one foot in front of the other, but to write about those footsteps, hoping that others will recognize the journey, understand, and express their support, compassion, and happiness in the shared moments. We hope, therefore, we write.

I hope for better news on the financial front. I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I hope your Christmas season is starting positively. I hope I can keep up my 5-days-per-week workout schedule (been going great so far!). I hope that one day I can meet some of you in person. I hope I can write about my footsteps more often. I hope... and therefore... I write... and will continue to write... and to hope.

~Heather

Day 159 - Oh my gosh! I need to blog!

Technology needs to catch up with me. Really. Every day that I've worked out for the last two weeks, I have composed a blog post in my mind. They were witty, informative, and full of excitement with this new chapter in my journey. I have been developing my short and long term goals at my Coach Assist meetings, finishing hour-long workouts on the Nautilus machines twice a week, and the swimming.... ooooohhh, the swimming! The purest joy I have felt in a long time! I even have a brand-new swimsuit, goggles, and flip-flops to keep the joy going! They're all a gorgeous shade of blue (yes, I'm that coordinated) and I LOVE them!

Did I mention the suit is a size 16?!?! Talk about motivation! I'll have to post pics soon to show them off. :)

So why does technology need to catch up to me? Well, if it did, I'd be able to compose the blog posts in my head, then hook my head up to my computer and upload them directly. As it stands currently, that won't be occurring any time soon. So, I must find an hour or two (or three) when I can to sit and write. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen nearly as often as I want it to. Still, I'm working on trying to find more time. I want this blog to be a higher priority than it is. I hope to change this soon as I'm working on scheduling a specific day and time each week to make this a reality. Hopefully, in the next couple of weeks, this will happen. Let's hope because if it does, then more than blogging will be happening. Yes... I'll be joining... a Zumba class... At least trying it out to start, but I'm hoping it'll be as addictive as so many people have said.

For now, I'm pretty proud of what I've been able to accomplish these past few weeks. I've been to the YMCA 3-4 days each week to work out. Two days each week include 60min lap swimming sessions. The other two days have included 60min Nautilus machine sessions (3 set of 12 reps on each machine). I threw in an extra 30min lap swim on one of those days and have tried a swim class as well. (was a bit too easy for my level)  So I can definitely say I've been busy and I haven't tried any of the yoga, pilates, or aerobics classes yet! I want to add some of those in as well, but they're all held in the evenings, so babysitting will need to be arranged. That's another part that I'm working out this week.

Wow! To be able to work out twice a day and I want to do this?! Crazy! Cool, but crazy... in a good way!

While I haven't been able to swing Weight Watchers again yet (mother-in-law is covering YMCA membership, God bless her!), I'm scraping together my $13 and heading to a meeting tonight. I want to see where I stand scale-wise, see everyone, and get a boost going into the holiday season. I still have hope that I'll return as a regular member sometime in the future (I miss E-Tools soooooooooo much!), but for now I need to buckle down and start tracking my points regularly. It was working before and now, with my new-found fire (I knew it was there somewhere. :) ) I know I can be fabulously successful, holidays or no holidays!

If all goes well, start looking for new blog posts on Wednesdays and/or Thursdays. Until then... Stick to the basics, use whatever motivates you best, and keep on rockin' your way down the path! We can all do this! I've been on mine for 18 months now (holy cow!) and I know I still have a long way to go. As Loretta and Deb once said... "Progress, not perfection." Those words keep me going. I am worth it!

*hugs* to each one of you!
~Heather