Day 29 - The Scale Does Not Define Me

Another weigh in day, another chance to see what's working and what's not. Especially the not.

I knew that going into today, the numbers may not be very forgiving as I had indulged in quite a few higher-sodium-packed goodies and not enough fiber this week. Add to that my exercise schedule was changed (exercising yesterday instead of Sunday) and the intensity increased as well as drinking too much diet cola and not enough water. All of that added up to a weight (fluid) gain that shocked even the Weight Watchers receptionist... 4.6lbs.

Ugh. :(

I quickly recovered from the number shock as I realized how out of whack my body must be today. I saw clearly what had happened and what I needed to do going into this week; more fiber and water, less sodium and diet soda. I need to modify my workout just a tad and stick with it. By doing this, I should see most of that gain drop off me next Tuesday. Yay!

To help jump start the process to a better weigh in next week, I mowed the lawn, getting in a good 90 minute workout and racking up 7 activity points. Felt great afterwards!

I had a delicious dinner and ended up drinking a full liter of plain, cool water. That hit the spot! I may need to keep that bottle out every day, filling it twice a day, as a good way to measure how much water I drink; just water, not including any coffee, tea, milk, or other liquid refreshment I may imbibe.

Overall, I'm feeling tired, but confident for the week ahead. I have some good things coming down the line in another month that I'm giddy with excitement over! I'll share more on this in the coming weeks. But for now, I'm exhausted, a bit sore, and very much ready for sleep. I find myself having a decent amount of difficulty with writing tonight, so I bid you adieu, mon cheri. Sleep well and I'll see you tomorrow!

~H.

Day 28 - I Did It! I Did It! I Did It!

A very quick update as it's 2am. My son will be getting up early, but I just had to post...

I Did It! I Did It! I Did It! I Did It! I Did It! I Did It! I Did It! I Did It!I Did It!I Did It!I Did It!I Did It!

I completed Day 1 of Week 1 of the Couch-to-5K training program!

Man, it was hard for a non-runner like me, but I stuck it out. I went the distance. Even when my legs burned and my body shook, I made it through every run interval. I refused to give up. I never believed I could do this again in my life, but here I am... I am doing this!!

Today, I ran. On purpose. Without being chased, scared, or joking around.

I ran... and changed my life forever.

Not such a bad day, eh? ;)

~H.

Day 27 – Controlled Splurging and Bad Technology

Well, my dear readers, my post tonight will not include details regarding my victorious first Couch-to-5K training day. Nothing about how I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, persevering over self-doubt and utter disbelief. No sir, not one detail. Why, you ask? Well... um...

The iPod ate my running program.

No... seriously... it made it go bye-bye, adios, sayonara, au revoir, auf wiedersehen, arrivederci... or as my son would say “All gone.”

Three hours trying to get my iPod and iTunes to speak to each other properly, to upload, download, and reload everything I needed to make today -the- day I take my life changes to a new level. I was thisclose... then, in the midst of trying just one more Help section trick, it was gone. All gone. All of the podcasts, music, playlists... everything. I was holding a blank iPod in my hand and had an empty iTunes library on my computer.

Well, crap...

Actually, what I said was much more “colorful” that that, but you get the idea.

Needless to say, by the time this climatic end occurred, my gym was closed, dinner needed to be fixed, my son's bath time was upon me, and my friends were starting to show up for Game Night.

I hadn't yet had a shower or even brushed my teeth for the day. What can I say? I had a late start to the day. But now I was so far behind (and so incredibly frustrated) that I had to pull myself together, re-prioritize, and move forward. I called in the troops (hubby and mom), put a light dinner together (baked chicken breasts with mushrooms and fat free cream of mushroom soup on top of brown rice), bathed my son, and took a long, hot shower.

A cleansing 20 minutes of zen. Instant relaxation... mmm...

I took an hour and a half to reload some of the podcasts and music that I had lost, but I have hours more to add and re-organize. Still, my 5K training playlists are loaded and ready to go. So am I!

I see today only as a temporary setback, a challenge to be overcome and a lesson to be learned. Tomorrow will start earlier with a focus on making good choices; with my food, my activity, and my time. I will spend quality time with my family, eat plenty of fruits and veggies (didn't get many in this weekend), and I -will- complete Day 1 of the Couch-To-5K program. One day does not define me, but I will make every day count!

Tonight, I make a conscience decision to splurge. It completely finished off my weekly points, but it was well worth it!

For Game Night, the guys and I had our usual veggie and fruit feast, filling up on the good stuff first. But tonight, instead of splitting a pizza, someone brought those break-and-bake cookies; Chocolate Chunk and White Chocolate Macadamia. Oh my... It took quite a bit of control not to just dive head-first into the pre-formed lumps of cookie dough. So yummy! Instead, I waited until they were baked and cooled. I then chose to have one of each kind. There was no “I just -have- to have another!” urge, no “I couldn't help myself” rhetoric. Nope! I considered my options, made a conscience decision, and enjoyed every last morsel. I am still surprised sometimes at how much more delicious food tastes when it's not being wolfed down mindlessly.

After the first cookie, I really was full, but I chose to eat the other. After that, I was stuffed; a feeling I'm not very comfortable with anymore. It's almost too much which helps me keep my cravings and impulses in check. I have no interest in feeling stuffed again for a good long while.

So there we have it; Day 27 done and done. Wow, I've been blogging every day for almost a month now. Doesn't seem like that much time has passed, yet I'm only a few days away from another goal (blogging for one month). These days, I can't imagine going to bed without posting something, no matter how late it is. I'm addicted to this, mainly because of the feedback and insight it gives me. What I've discovered though blogging has completely changed some of my ways of thinking. I wasn't expecting that to be sure. :)

For now, dear readers, I bid you a good night. As always, it's late and I am headed off to become re-acquainted with my pillow.

~H.

Day 26 - Making Plans (No Post Tonight)

Hi everyone! Sorry, but today's post will be delayed due to unforeseen circumstances. I will be back tomorrow with another exciting installment of my blog! For now, I leave you with some of my favorite inspirational quotes:

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.  ~Henry Ward Beecher

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.  ~Author Unknown

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs.  Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger.  If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.  ~Dale Carnegie

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.  ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are.  I don't believe in circumstances.  The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.  ~G.B. Shaw, Mrs. Warren's Profession, 1893

Perseverance... keeps honor bright:  to have done, is to hang quite out of fashion, like a rusty nail in monumental mockery.  ~William Shakespeare

The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence but by oft falling.  ~Lucretius

But the moment you turn a corner you see another straight stretch ahead and there comes some further challenge to your ambition.  ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.  ~Buddhist Saying

Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer.  ~André A. Jackson

Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it.  The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.  ~Earl Nightingale

Day 25 - I Needed Some Inspiration Today...

Day 24 - A Tangent of Sorts into Life

I hope you will forgive me, dear readers. Tonight's blog will not mention weight loss or NSVs or any other related topic. Tonight, I divert into a very special area of my life... my life as a mom.

In 2007, I was blessed with my son, Connor. He is my joy, my world, my miracle. If you've read some of my previous posts, you understand why. Today, I met with his "team" at his new school... his special ed team. You see, my soon-to-not-be-a-toddler son has Sensory Processing Disorder and possibly a mild form of Autism (can't fully diagnose the latter until at least age 5). It makes life challenging to say the least; a challenge I gladly take on every day. Some days, like today, are longer than others; today started at 6am. It's now 2:30am and I'm quite beat.

I hope your forgive the briefness (is that a word? Sooo tired...) of this post, but today seemed to center around him... meeting at school, therapy, snuggled together for a quick nap, eating, playing... Even when I went to the gym, I knew it was connected to him. I was working out to become healthier, so I can be the best mommy to him that I can be; to be around for as long as I can be. When he woke up this evening, I snuggled with him as he fell back asleep, enjoying a moment that I know one day soon will fade away. He'll grow up, I'll become uncool, and for the rest of my days, I'll remember those few years when I was the center of his world, even though he will always be the center of mine.

I started this journey because of him.. well, mainly. I know I need to do this for myself. Still, what better motivation can you have than a child's smile and laughter as you run together hand in hand. (Yes, we do this. It's his favorite activity.)

With his SPD and Autism, I must work every day to help him be the best person he can be; to help him learn to communicate, to learn, to grow. Sometimes it works beautifully. Sometimes, it's incredibly difficult. Every word is music to my ears; every outburst must be patiently evaluated for what is normal behavior and what is part of the disorder. I am constantly on alert, observing every movement, every reaction. It's exhausting... some days more than others, but I gladly take on each and every moment as it means he is in my life.

To the outside world, unaware of the details (or worse - misinformed / non-believers), he may seem like an unruly, undisciplined, spoiled child with an overprotective mother. You can't corner everyone and explain what's what. You can't hang a sign around his neck for people to read. You let your skin grow thick, pray for good days when you're out and about, and hope for understanding (and sometimes forgiveness) when things go askew. Tonight, I ask for a few more moments of your time. Please check out the sites listed below. Read through them. Know that there are millions of children out there in need of a little more patience and understanding; good kids who never chose this, never wanted to be seen as "bad" or "wrong". They're not. They just see the world a little differently and I truly believe that that's a good thing.

Sensory Processing Disorder (Sensory Integration Disorder)

Autism

To end this, I'm re-posting a short note one of my friend's sent me. Her son is only a few months older than Connor and is (more than likely, but not officially) autistic, so she understands the challenges, fears, joys, and victories associated with these disorders. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed or fearful, I re-read this note. We don't know who wrote it, but it hits home every time...

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of a child with special needs. Did you ever wonder how mothers like this are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

“Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia. Rudledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint… give her Jude. He’s used to profanity.”

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, “Give her a child with special needs.”

The angel curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.” “Exactly”, smiles God. “Could I give a child with special needs a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.”

“But has she patience?” asked the angel. “I don’t want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a seal of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she’ll handle it.

“I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world and that is not going to be easy.”

“This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.” The angels gasps, “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?” God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she’ll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she’s to be envied. She will never take for granted a ’spoken word’. She will never consider a ’step’ ordinary. When her child says “Mama’ for the first time she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or sunset to her child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

“I will permit her to see clearly the things I see… ignorance, cruelty, prejudice… and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.

“And what about her patron saint?” asks the angel, her pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.”

~H. 

Day 23 - Not All Rollercoasters are at Amusement Parks

Yeesh, what a day! It started about 5:30am with another strong storm moving through the area and now, at 12:30am, I'm not quite done yet. I considered not blogging tonight, but the thought of not sharing just one little NSV didn't sit well. So, here I am, you lucky readers you.

Today was like a rollercoaster; all ups and downs, twists and turns (emotionally, physically, mentally). It wasn't dull, I'll give it that. But tonight, I don't want to dwell on the negative. Yesterday's post felt very heavy to me, so for this evening's post, I want to share a positive moment I had today. I think it was a first for me as well. I cannot remember ever doing this before, so it's a bit of a big deal for me. It happened like this...

As I said before, it's been a very busy day and, sometimes when I get busy, I get distracted and neglect to eat when I should. Never a good idea because then I become hungry... starving... and I'll eat just about anything you put in front of me. Not a good scenario when you're trying to make good choices. If I'm out and about, every fast food place I look at beckons me with their siren calls... flashy colorful lights... promises of a big meal for only $1.99... fast service at the drive-thru... No one has to know if I fudge my points and order that super-sized french fry. I can stop, buy, eat, and throw away the evidence without anyone being the wiser. Oh yeah, by 8pm (not having had a meal since around 10am-ish) I was in that mode. Not good.

I was driving along one of the main streets in town which means that nearly every imaginable fast food place was within easy reach; just turn left here for McDonald's or turn right there for Dairy Queen. Pizza... burgers... fries... roast beef sandwiches... you name it. I could have it. All I had to do was pull into a drive-thru lane and it would be mine! Worst yet, I was heading to the grocery store to do my weekly shopping. Not just running in for a few things, but there for the long haul of stocking up. Really not good.

Images of bacon cheeseburgers, large fries, fresh made sushi, bakery goodies, and all manner of culinary delights swirled in my brain at a near fever pitch from lack of food. I knew that if I didn't take charge of the situation, my weekly points would be toast along with my weight loss this week. I was not going to let that happen!

I started telling myself to get a grip, that I could make it though this moment of weakness and succeed. Anyone who was driving along the road with me must have thought me completely insane as I (out loud) talked myself into pulling into a parking lot near a cluster of fast food establishments. Yes, I'm jabbering at myself for a good mile until coming to rest in front of a Dairy Queen and a Taco Bell. Across the street was McDonalds. I pulled in (facing away from the buildings), stopped the car, and took a breath. "Make a plan," I told myself... still out loud... "Sit here and make a plan. Get something to satisfy, but not overload, then go to the store." I took my Weight Watchers Dining Out Companion Guide out of my purse (yes, I always carry it with me) and decided on a plan...

First, I limited my options. I chose to only consider those restaurants closest to me (Taco Bell, Dairy Queen, McDonald's, and Culver's). As I was eating on the go, these were my best options for speed. Remember, it was already after 8pm and I still had at least 1-2 hours of shopping ahead of me. Speed was a necessary part of this choice.

Next, I scanned through all possible healthy options at each place. A salad was not going to work for this situation (eating in the car on the run) and I knew I would feel better with a good combination of protein, carbs, and fat. It still had to be light as I was going to have dinner when I returned home. That eliminated most of the menu options.

I then checked the point values for the few items left. I really wanted to keep them under 8 if possible. That eliminated Dairy Queen and Culver's completely. So, what was left? A regular hamburger at McDonald's (5pts), a McD's cheeseburger (regular - 7pts) or a few of the Fresco menu items at Taco Bell (most are 3pts). Talk about a relatively simple choice!

In the end, I chose a Fresco Style Steak Soft Taco (3pts), an order of Pintos-N-Cheese (3pts and a personal favorite), and a medium Diet Pepsi (0pts). I had a reasonably-sized, light, fast, lower-fat, delicious meal for 6pts. It was awesome! I sat in the parking lot and ate my meal, paying attention to the food, relishing it, enjoying every last mouthful! No guilt, no heavy, fatty mass sitting in my stomach for hours... nope! I felt recharged and ready to shop...

...and shop I did! I stuck to my list, only adding a few items that we needed, but I had forgotten to write down. If I hadn't stopped to eat, I can't imagine what would have ended up in my cart. I probably would have grabbed a lot of snack-type items and a couple of sushi rolls that would not have made it home. Instead, I came home with a ton of fresh fruit and veggies, lots of lower fat/lower calorie healthy items and a clear plan for meals over the next week. I know my family and I will enjoy our meals and my point count will stay within plan. Too cool!!

An excellent NSV to say the least! I am no longer Living to Eat. I am Eating to Live. I am in control of my food intake and it feels soooooooooo goooooooooooood!! I can do this. I am making this journey a success each and every day. 23 days so far; 23 successes. We are not the numbers on the scale. We are made up of successes and learning experiences (I no longer believe in the word 'failure'.) I am committed to this journey, this roller-coaster ride of becoming healthy and no cheeseburger craving is doing to destroy it for me!

Thank you for joining me on this journey! Whether you lurk in the shadows or leave your comments below, I know you are there and it warms my heart, motivates me, and make me smile. None of us are alone and I am grateful every day for that. :)

Sleep tight, my readers, my friends. Till tomorrow...

~H.

Day 22 - Would You Like Fries with Those Milestones?

Nothing fits. I need new clothes. I have nothing to wear. Moooooooother!

It's been many years since I initially said those words. 1993 to be exact. That was the last year I remember seeing the size of my clothes start with a 1 instead of a 2. Seventeen years... a long time indeed. Now I'm poised to change that number once again... back to 1.

Scared, excited, nervous, impatient...

I'm coming up on a -huge- milestone. Several actually; milestones I never thought I would see. Wow, just writing this is making me all emotional. I'm -so- close to a moment in my life that I never, ever believed would occur that it's hard for me to even think about, not wanting to jinx it and all. But, it's coming... they're coming and I will do everything in my power to make them happen. After that, I'll be in a kind of No-Man's Land; an area of life that happened so long ago, I can't remember what it was like to be there. Wow... I'm really going to make this happen.

You're confused. Sorry, a bit overwhelming. Lemme see if I can clear some of this mud up for you...

In 1992, my body's average weight was around 170-ish. I bounced back and forth within about a 10lb range, without any changes in diet or activity level. I was overweight for my height (5'6"), but only by about 20lbs. I was 19 and had never been the athletic type. I was used to thinking of myself as a "fat girl" (my mindset since I was 13), but I tried not to let it bother me. It did, but I truly didn't know what being "fat" was until later.

Early 1993 changed everything. While I won't divulge details here, I will say that my journey into the 200+ lb range started due to a very bad drug interaction. I was now 20 and in less than one year, I went from 170-ish to over 240lbs. Even after I was taken off of the meds, my body weight came to rest at 235lbs and there it stayed for a long time.

When I hit age 27 (2000), my weight began to creep up. I hit 260+lbs for the first time. My first marriage was falling apart in a million ways and I felt powerless. Food has always been a source of comfort for me and now it was all I felt I had left. The temporary joy of eating and drinking became all-important. Then I found out my ex was having an affair; not his first (or his last), just his most passionate and consuming one. It nearly destroyed me. I left and stayed three days with some friends. I didn't eat. I didn't drink. I was too sick to my stomach. I was a mess.

We did get back together and tried to make it work. By now, it truly was doomed. I was just too stubborn (and had such low self-esteem) to let it go. The only good part of that whole incident was that I lost 11 lbs in those 3 days. It took me 2 months to re-learn how to eat like I was prior to that weekend, and I continued to lose weight; 40lbs in all. In the end, I hit my adult all-time low of 224lbs. I have never seen its like since.

Of course, since I wasn't trying to change my life or take steps to keep the weight off, I regained it all and then some. To this day, I'm not sure what my highest weight was, but close estimate was around 275-ish in 2003. But February of that year kicked off my first real commitment to changing my life forever. I followed the Atkins diet for 2 weeks, but was so stir crazy by the end, I couldn't continue. Still, it taught me about portion sizes and the importance of drinking lots of water. It also taught me about success and perseverance; I lost 11lbs that first two weeks, followed by another 25 or so over the next several months. I joined a gym and began using a recumbant bike, the weight machines, walking the track, and swimming. Oh, I loved to swim! By September of that year, I looked and felt better than I had in a decade. I was 30 and able to fit back into a size 14/16 shirt and size 20 pant. I thought I would keep it off forever...

Then the divorce came...and changed everything...

As I grew more confident in myself, I couldn't ignore the state of my marriage and my environment anymore. When you truly love someone, it is forever, even if what's best for you as a person is not to be with them anymore. I made my choice. I chose me. Painful? Hell yeah. Necessary? Yes. I wish him only the best, but I know my choice was the right one... for both of us.

Needless to say, my eating and exercise habits suffered under the changes in my life. First, the divorce, then later there were miscarriages... three of them. Then my miracle pregnancy with my son, Connor in 2006-2007. That stretched the skin a bit, lemme tell you. ;) There was the loss of my father-in-law in 2007 (seven weeks before Connor was born), and finally, the heart-wrenching loss of my unborn son, Daniel in 2008 at 19 weeks 5 days. Overall, I'd say committing myself to changing my life, my weight hasn't been at the top of my list. At least until now.

I started Weight Watchers in May 2009 because I wasn't able to run with my son. He'll beat the pants off of most adults, he's so fast! I couldn't run... at all. I was so out of shape. I was all rolls and no energy. I thought to myself "What kind of a mom can I really be to this amazing little guy when I can't even walk upstairs without being out of breath? He needs me and I need to do whatever it takes to be there for him." So I went to a meeting, unsure if I'd sign up. I had to try something and this seemed the most reasonable and responsible way to succeed. I still had the mindset that I needed to buy into a plan to be successful. I know now that's not true, but I still like the WW plan. It helps keep me accountable in a healthy way. As it turns out, it was just the start of a journey that I'm still on today.

I started with the idea of losing weight, passed through all of my previously known mental blocks, discovered the truth to my eating patterns and desires, and am now working towards those milestones I spoke of above. Within the next few weeks, I will reach the following momentous moments:

- I will weight less than 224lbs for the first time in a decade.

- I will fit into a size 18 pant for the first time in 17 years.

- I will run. I begin my Couch-to-5K training on Sunday and I hope to compete in my first official 5K run in September at Rockford's 3-day music festival On The Waterfront.

I don't remember what it's like to be at a healthy weight. Even when I was at one, I didn't think of myself as being healthy. To me, I've been the "fat girl" for 24 years now. After these moments happen, I will be completely out of my comfort zone...

I'm looking forward to it!!! :)

Today was weigh-in day. I lost another 1.8lbs, bringing my total to 35.4lbs lost. I now weigh 226.8lbs. I pushed myself at the gym and walked 5K in 55 minutes, sweating up a storm.

Almost there. First, these milestones, then the world!

Goodnight, dear friends and readers and thank you for your continued support! May your dreams be as wonderful as mine are tonight.

~H.

Day 21 - Comparisons and Motivations

Some days, writing is cathartic for me. Today, it was looking back at pictures of me prior to starting on this journey. I had mentioned to my hubby that I didn't really notice much of a physical change. He suggested that I check out our family portrait from Christmas 2008. Then he smiled and kissed me. I didn't quite understand that smile until I compared that portrait to a picture taken of me earlier this week. All I could say was WOW! What do you think?

 

This is me at 265lbs or so. I'm not quite sure as I wouldn't weigh myself. I couldn't handle the truth yet.

This is me at 228lbs. taken earlier this week. I had just come home from the gym. Next picture will need to be in less baggy clothes.

I still have that green sweater and it's quite baggy on me. Guess I'll need to do some shopping this autumn for some smaller clothes. Yay! :) Until then, I'm going to get some sleep and dream of my next goal. Tomorrow is weigh in day at my Weight Watchers meeting. I'm hoping for some good numbers.

Have a wonderful day! I'll see you tomorrow.

~H.

Day 20 – I Fought the Buffet and the Buffet...

LOST! Yes, my friends, for Father's Day, hubby decided he wanted to eat at the local Golden Corral... or as my family so lovingly calls it, “The Trough.” We have gone to the buffet several times over the years to celebrate special days or when we couldn't agree on what we wanted for dinner. I remember what my meals would consist of on these nights... heaping mounds of stuffing and gravy, tortilla chips and cheese sauce, fried chicken, fried fish with tartar sauce, loaded baked potato, broccoli cheese soup, steak, and rolls with honey butter. Oh, and lots and lots of dessert... chocolate cake, peach cobbler, brownies, rice crispy treats, and soft serve ice cream loaded with caramel, hot fudge, M&Ms, jelly beans and whipped cream. And a diet soda.

This was my dinner... in ONE sitting!

I'll admit, I was a tad nervous at the thought of going back to the restaurant. I've been able to persuade my hubby from going on many occasions, but today was different. It was his day and I wanted to make it special. I knew I had the knowledge and commitment to eating healthy firmly in hand, so I agreed to go. Then I started working on my plan for the night.

Plan Phase 1: Get in a good workout.

I headed to the gym with a little over an hour before it closed. Plenty of time to walk my 5K and get my sweat on! I watched Man Vs Wild's Top 25 Moments to drive me on, though I did get some strange looks from the other women there. Oh well, Bear Grylls is hot and the show helped me shave 4 minutes off my 60 minute time. I'm getting faster! Finished with 3 minutes to spare before closing time. I was the last one there.

Secretly, I love closing the gym. I love being the last one out. Makes me feel like I'm really committed to this change in my life, which I am. Just great reinforcement!

Plan Phase 2: Choose well, choose wisely, and enjoy.

The buffet was packed! The line to be seated moved quickly and soon it was time to begin making good choices. I rapidly assessed the situation and found that breaking the buffet areas down in my mind made difficult decisions easier. Let me explain...

The buffet lines are broken down into three distinct areas: Veggie and Fruit, Main Meals (meats, steaks, sides), and Desserts. We were seated next to the Dessert area, so I decided to start at the opposite end of the restaurant and eat my way backwards, going to each area only once. This also made sense as I wanted to start off with a big salad to help curb any cravings or impulses. I picked up a plate and headed to the Salad station.

That walk... from the Desserts, past all of the yummy, fattening favorites I loved so much, all the way to the far end of the room where the salad bowls were... smelling all of those teasing, tempting smells... seeing all of my old “friends” waiting for me to come scoop them up onto my plate... It was a very long walk. But I did it. :)

I loaded up my plate with a great salad; lots of fresh veggies and just enough lite dressing for flavor. No cheese, no croutons, none of those calorie-laden trappings restaurants try to pass as healthy toppings. I ate every bite!

Next stop was the Main Meals and Sides area, but I modified this as I headed over. I opted to load up half of my plate with fresh fruit first, then use the remaining space for any meat and sides. It worked beautifully! I had 2TBS of the delicious cornbread stuffing (just a taste), a little BBQ pulled pork, 1/2 of a tiny boneless BBQ rib, a small baked sweet potato, 1/2c chili and 2 freshly made potato chips. A taste of only those items that I really wanted. No mindless eating tonight!

Third round, I found myself at the Dessert buffet line. I was determined to make a good choice in a sensible portion size. I was feeling great by this point and didn't want to spoil it. So, I chose a small slice of sugar free peach pie with about 1/4c of soft serve vanilla ice cream. I ditched the crust (saving a ton of points) and enjoyed the peaches and (ice) cream. Delicious!! A near perfect end to the meal, but I had one more item to finish off the night.

I indulged and had half a roll without butter. Golden Corral does have some phenomenal rolls and their honey butter is soooo good! When the rolls were first put on the table, I pushed them away and my family was wonderful about not asking me if I wanted any. I let those rolls sit there for the entire meal. Then, I made a decision. I checked the point count in my Weight Watchers Food Companion guide (4 points per roll without butter) and decided I would invest 2 points into this choice.

That half a roll tasted better than the dozens I have eaten in the past. Why? Because, to me, that half a roll was like an award; that I had reached a point on this journey where I am no longer controlled by food. I determine what food I eat, how much I eat, how often I eat, and that knowledge, that commitment empowers me. I chose to eat that half a roll. I wasn't overwhelmed by a need, by a desire to eat the whole roll (or the whole basket of rolls and butter). I chose calmly and rationally. I gave myself the information to choose wisely and I ate it with care. I tasted how good that roll was instead of mindlessly stuffing my face with as many as I could. It was my decision and I am proud of the one I made. It was yummy! :)

Plan Phase 3: Track everything, snack wisely, and sleep well.

As soon as we got home, I tracked everything I had eaten for dinner. Boy, was I surprised at the end result! I had eaten a good 7.5 point brunch earlier in the day, so I went into dinner with 22.5 points to spare. Even with all of my careful planning at the restaurant, dinner still came out to 20 points! I did figure high where I wasn't sure of the exact number, but my goodness! If today was 20 points, I can imagine what my “normal” dinner there was. Yeeouch! Scary!

Tonight was game night, so the guys and I loaded up on veggies and fat free dip. I did need some milk to meet my Good Health Guidelines, so 2 points of milk and 1oz of low fat chips (2 points) rounded out the evening. I still have a handful of Weekly Points to use tomorrow if I need to and I'm feeling confident in Tuesday's weigh in.

It just... feels... good... this place I'm in right now. My confidence is growing that I can succeed at last on this journey. It scares me a little, wondering if other aspects in my life will come crashing down, crushing this new-found sense of peace and strength. I hope not. I pray that it won't.

As always, thank you for reading. It means the world to me. :)

~H.

Day 19 - My Bare Necessities

Darling readers,

Please forgive me, but I am taking this evening off from blogging. Hubby and I have some time to spend as my mom is getting up with our son in the morning. Together, we'll be enjoying some time just hanging out and watching Dr. Who (one of our favorite shows). But, don't worry. I'm not leaving you empty-handed. I'm leaving you a list of my Essential Five; 5 goodies I can't seem to live without on this weight loss journey. I hope you will try each and every one when you get a chance. Yummy, low-point, healthy options that you won't mind incorporating into your every day meal planning.

Vitalicious Muffins, Snacks, Breads, and Brownies  : 1 point, high fiber goodness! Everyone should have a box or three in their freezer.

Reddi Wip  :  Fat Free - you'd never know it! 0 point per 1/4c. Makes everything a dessert.

Fiber One Cereal  :  Delicious, versatile, and 0 points for a 1/2 cup! Grind some up and use it instead of breadcrumbs for extra fiber and flavor.

Silk Pure Almond Milk  :  All of the calcium and Vitamin D + satisfying nutty flavor! Only 1 point per cup.

Crystal Light  :  Makes getting my eight cups of water a day easy and tasty for 0 points!

Drop me a line and let me know about any goodies that you can't live without. I'm always up for something new!

Enjoy and I'll see you tomorrow.

~H.

Day 18 - Resistance (of Chocolate) is Futile

Well, dear readers, this is, unfortunately, going to be a short post. It's 2:30am here and, as a Father's Day gift for hubby, I'm getting up with our son in the morning... well, in a few hours when he wakes up. So, quick recap of the day and off to dreamland for me.

Breakfast was decadent! I decided I needed a change from my usual veggie scramble wrap, so I shredded up a small potato to make hash browns... at least that was the plan until I saw the leftover serving of turkey chili from last night. That changed the math a bit. I still made the hash browns, but topped them with the chili instead. I heated up two slices of turkey bacon and added 1/2c fresh blueberries to a Weight Watchers Berries-N-Cream yogurt. Add in 2c of water with Crystal Lite and I had a most delicious breakfast!!

I didn't eat lunch as hubby and I were headed out to an early dinner, but I did have a quick snack of fat free mini pretzels (1oz) and some water. Wasn't much, but I usually don't get to have pretzels and I was satisfied.

Dinner was at my friend Trina's birthday party (hence the saving of points earlier). I think I did great overall in managing my food intake. I had 1 lean pork chop (boneless) with a little bbq sauce on a hamburger bun along with at least 2c of raw veggies and 2TBS low fat yogurt dip (only 45 calories for the serving). I had 1oz tortilla chips with 1/4c garden salsa and 1/2oz pita chips with 2TBS soft herb cheese (a big favorite of mine).

Dessert was chocolate-frosted cupcakes and bite-sized brownies. Here was my challenge for the night! I resisted (boy, it was hard) eating more than 1 cupcake and 2 brownie bites. Considering how many cupcakes I could have eaten, that (before) I would have eaten... Heck, I did darn good! Instead of eating, I engaged my friends in conversation and in karaoke. I sang a lot and it kept me out of the kitchen. Yay!

I wish I had more time tonight to write, but I really do need to get to sleep. That and I'm unfortunately not in a good head-space to write tonight. After coming home on such a good note... well, let's just say we now need a new automatic garage door opener. It wasn't pretty and it's just put me in a bit of a negative space at the moment. Sorry.

Still, just writing this quick post has helped me feel sooooooo much better. I know that I accomplished a number of good things today, made some goals and some good choices. In the end, I know I'll get through the negative and the positive will shine through.

As always, thank you so much for reading. Please post below. I'd love to know you're out there. Means so much to me! :) G'night!

~H

Day 17 - There's no place like home

Some days, the mind generates prose so sweet and swift, writing it all down is only a formality. For me, today is not one of those days. I am exhausted both physically and mentally. Still, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until I relayed to you, my faithful readers, the reason why I will sleep so happily and soundly this fair eve. It may not seem like much, but for me, it goes a lot deeper than the level of mere chore.

My body aches from head to toe right now, especially the points of pain on/in my hands. A smile graces my lips as today I pushed myself out of my comfort zone once again and found myself to be stronger than before. What did I do today that was so different? Simple... I mowed the lawn.

Not quite the climatic piece of news you were expecting, eh? Well, sometimes big rewards come in small packages... or in this case, 3 hour time frames. A couple pieces of background that may help put this in perspective...

All of my life, I never thought I would ever mow the lawn. It seemed to be the one chore the men in my life assumed was theirs and so they took care of it. It's not that I didn't think a woman could mow a lawn. Not at all! It just never seemed to be my chore and I was never taught how to use a lawnmower. I never asked and, to be honest, never really thought about it one way or the other. It was a household chore. The guys took care of it. End of story. Well, not really the end as today proved.

Two weeks ago, I had a strange urge out of left field to find out how the lawnmower worked. Well, it was more like "What would happen if, for some reason, hubby couldn't mow the lawn? What would we do then?" The thought struck me that I was not capable of caring for my home in this manner and that that fact was unacceptable to me. I mean, come on! It's just mowing the lawn, not rocket science. Yeesh!

So, I asked hubby how the mower worked and did a test lap. Satisfied, I let him finish the rest of the lawn. Hey, even he said that's his job. ;P

Fast forward to today... The lawn looks like a jungle due to all of the rain and warm temps of the last two weeks (since it was last cut.) Hubby had a job today and wouldn't be home until after 10pm. The weatherman was calling for severe weather the next several days, so today was it! Either mom or I cut it, or it would continue to grow out of control. I chose a nicely manicured lawn over the wild prairie look. I was not prepared for the next 3+ hours...

Quick note: Our house sits on an approximately 3/4 acre corner lot. It's big and right there on the main road of the development, so we have to keep it looking fairly nice. It's also not flat; front yard is a decent slope from the house to the street and the backyard has lots of slopes, dips, even a few small holes. When I win the lottery, I'm going to have the grass ripped up, the land leveled out, and re-sodded asap!! Looks great, mows rough.

So, I started with the backyard which went great, taking a few water breaks in-between. Ok, by the end of that, I had had a good workout; my legs, back, core, chest, and arms all had that great after-workout feeling and I was feeling proud of myself for not only doing this for the first time, but doing it well.

Then I realized I had the entire front and side yards to do as well. *sigh*

1/3 of the way through the front, the "Ok, enough" feeling started. My body began to rebel, but I kept going.

2/3 of the way through the front, I felt weak, but kept going.

Front yard done; still had side yard to do. By this point, I realized I hadn't eaten anything since 2:30pm (it was now 7:45pm) and headed inside for a short snack: lite cheese stick, 1/2 a banana, 1 serving Special K multigrain crackers, and 1 small all-fruit snack (one of my son's). I was halfway through my second liter of water overall, so I headed back out with renewed energy. I finished the side yard, cleared off the walkways, and went inside to clean up and pass out. Well, more like grab dinner, then relax and blog, then sleep.

For those that do Weight Watchers, I racked up 11 Activity Points today, just for mowing the lawn. In comparison, my normal workout at the gym (speed walking 5K in 60 minutes) generates 6 points. Quite the difference!

Would I do this again? The whole lawn... if needed. Hubby and I talked before I started blogging tonight. He was impressed with my mowing. We may start splitting up the job, so we both can benefit from the exercise, but not be overwhelmed with the whole lawn. I think this will end up bringing us closer and that I really like. :)

As a treat, Hubby brought me home a couple of my favorite crab rangoons from our local Chinese restaurant. I had already eaten all of my daily points, but these were worth diving into my 35 weekly points (first time this week.)

So, lessons learned:

- I can be successful when I step out of my comfort zone. Just takes some confidence and a little knowledge.

- New tasks can be enjoyable with a positive attitude and perspective.

- I need to wear gloves whenever I mow in the future. My hands are killing me! Blisters bad.

I hear the rumble of thunder in the not-to-distant skies as I write, so I'm going to end this here for the evening. The predictions were for serious storms and, being from the Midwest, for possible tornadoes (scary!) Keep your fingers crossed, say a prayer, and thank you for reading. Means so much to me!

~H

Day 16 - Mood 0, Chicken 3

Actually, my mood today was about a 2.5 out of 5 and not unexpected. Today, "Aunt Flo" arrived for the week, trying to tease and tempt me as she does. This happens because I am very much an emotional eater. Well, I am, but not to the extent I was even a mere two weeks ago. It was then that I found my voice here in the blogosphere through which I started to see my true self in black and white text, reflecting truths somehow I couldn't discern within my own muddled mind. For the first time, I truly began to understand that food does not equal love and acceptance; that if I was strong enough to put myself out there for all to read, then I was strong enough to make the changes (and commit to them) to transform myself into the person I want to be.

Today was not a day about hitting milestones or deep existential thought. Today was about making good food choices (even when all I wanted were plates of carbs and sugar), keeping my stress levels low (even with a rambunctious toddler under foot), and not yelling or crying at every little thing (damn hormones). All in all, I succeeded beautifully. Another reminder that not all victories are measured by a scale.

Coffee was a necessity this morning as I was operating on three hours of sleep thanks to one of the cats who, in her ultimate wisdom, decided she just -had- to have my attention at 6am. No going back to bed after that meow-whine-fest. So, hot hazelnut/caramel/butterscotch flavored coffee it was with Splenda and sugar free Vanilla Caramel creamer. 1 point of delicious, creamy, caffeinated goodness.

After my son's therapy, I cooked veggie scramble breakfasts with turkey bacon for both my mom and me; mine as a wrap, hers with toast. She thought there were too many veggies. I disagreed. We left it at that. Yummy breakfast. :)

Lunch was half a ham and cheese sandwich with pickles and Kettle Brand Sea Salt & Vinegar chips. I -crave- these chips! To me, they are the best potato chips on the market right now. Love, love, love and so worth the 4 points per ounce.

Dinner was grilled Lemon Garlic Chicken (no skin, bone in), fresh grilled corn (plain), and leftover baked beans. I was hungry by the time dinner finished cooking (around 8pm), so I ate one whole breast, one ear of corn, and half of the remaining beans (about 2TBS). So savory and satisfying! The rain of the past week had finally let up and the weather was lovely, so we ate outside on the deck. Very enjoyable. Too bad the rain is coming back for another week of gray dampness. :(

Tonight was the premiere of Top Chef season 7; my favorite show! I have to be careful with my points on TC days as I know watching all of that amazing food being created will make me hungry. So, I made sure to have a few points left for a snack; a Weight Watchers Peach yogurt topped with a crumbled Corn VitaMuffin and some Fat Free Reddi Wip. A sort of 2 point creamy peach cobbler creation. I paired it with 4oz of leftover 1% chocolate milk plus 1c of Silk Almond Milk. So, chocolate milk worth 3 points. It was better than I thought and hit the spot beautifully. A sweet end to a fairly smooth day.

Day 16 done and done. Time for me to catch up on my beauty sleep, now with a smile on my face. My hubby just told me that my weight loss is very noticeable to him; that the weight I've lost equals the weight of our son. Wow! How cool is that! I've dropped a 3 year old. Best complement so far. :)

Day 15 - Please Step on the Scale, Miss

Yep, today was Weigh-In Day at my WW meeting. I headed in with a smile on my face and the knowledge that the numbers would show a slight gain this week, just as they do every four weeks. After a year of weigh-ins, I know that every fourth one will be a gain. It's just a fact.

"Hmmmm..." I can see you pondering this tidbit already, wondering why I would know this. Well, to put it simply, I'm a female. Hopefully without stretching this into the TMI arena, I'll put in even more simply... Tomorrow, my monthly gift comes due. My Aunt Flo arrives. I'm retaining water like a camel and there's very little I can do about it. Yay...

At least I'm consistent... or so I thought.

Today, I took off my shoes, put down my purse, my keys, my phone (hey, every ounce counts!) and stepped on the scale. It took a minute or so for the receptionist to click the keyboard, capturing my current weight on the computer screen, immortalizing it for all time. I waited patiently to see how many pounds and ounces I would be losing next week after the camel wanders back into the desert for another month. Finally, she said she had it and I could step down. I smiled, slipped my sandals back on and asked how bad it was. She handed my little journal back to me, smiled very kindly, and said "3 point 4."

I blinked, stunned. Now I have had some bad weeks before, but this was one of the worst! 3.4?! "Wow! That's pretty bad" I stated as I started to head into the meeting.

She looked at me kind of funny for a moment, then realized what I meant. "No, you LOST 3.4 pounds."

Lost?! I... LOST?! Not only did I lose, but I lost 3 point 4 pounds?! This week?!

I took a moment to let this small, yet significant piece of news sink in.

Then I danced. Right there in the lobby. In front of everyone. I wiggled my 3.4lb- smaller rear end and I think a couple of fist pumps occurred as well. I do believe I skipped into the meeting.

After the meeting was over, I had a quick snack and headed to the gym. My left knee has been feeling strained the last couple of days, so I opted to walk the same amount of time (65 minutes), but at a slower pace. I pumped my arms, kept my abs and rear in tight, and tried to get the most out of the workout. I think I succeeded. There was sweat and a sense of accomplishment at the end, so I'm feeling good about it. No more excuses, right?

Today, I weighed in at 228.6; the lowest I have weighed in almost 7 years. My daily points lowered by 1 (now at 30 points per day) and I am over the moon happy! I'm also more motivated than ever.

Mario Andretti once stated "Desire is the key to motivation, but it's the determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek."

I am committed to this journey for what comes next can only be better than what I've already experienced. I'm looking forward to it!

~H

Day 14 - Peace and Family

Today was a quiet day; no milestones, no events of great importance, no strange or quirky stories to tell. Just a quiet day with my family, making good food choices and getting some exercise by walking a few laps around the local mall. While I was there, I did notice something different in myself which makes me smile. I realized that the ever-present temptations no longer hold power over me or at least to the extent they once did. Talk about relief! Whew!

Malls are difficult places to be when you're hungry, tired, bored, pms-ing, not in a good mood, etc. Especially if you have money. Even a few dollars can wreck a good game plan if you let them. All of the food court selections giving away free samples, the scent of sweet, yummy cinnamon rolls from the Cinnabon outlet upstairs just as you're getting off the elevator, the Auntie Annie's pretzels as you turn the corner of your third lap... At every turn, you're bombarded by food, food, and more food. Before, I may have stopped at one or two (or more) of these spots in a single trip. They could entice me like no other store could with their promise of delightful and decadent joy. For a small fee, I could be happy for a short time and forget all of my troubles. "Come on," they seemed to say, "Come be happy! It's just a cinnamon roll. It won't hurt you." and I would believe them. I would sit there alone and eat my roll, extra icing and all, using that sweet delicious doughy concoction to fill an emotional void of one kind or another, hoping I wouldn't feel too guilty afterwards. I always did. Soon enough, the cycle would repeat itself, seemingly endless... until now.

This past year, I made a vow to not give up on myself; to start working on becoming the person I wanted to be. Two weeks ago, I committed to turning the weight loss aspect of that dream into a reality. I am putting this commitment, this goal into the public eye for all to see as a way to stay accountable to myself, my family, and all those who believe in me. I know now that I can make it. The work will be hard, the time will be long, and obstacles will continue to rear their ugly heads, but it's ok. No food or lazy day will ever feel as good as achieving my goals, as turning my dreams into my reality.

Sorry, poor 18-point Cinnabon cinnamon roll. We are no longer friends. You cannot and will not ever be the desperate source of my happiness again. The 813 calories, 32 grams of fat, and measly 4 grams of fiber you offer just has no place in my world and I'm good with that.

The mall today offered me a way to get some exercise with my family instead of a place I could eat goodies I normally wouldn't buy. I find freedom while walking those corridors now instead of stress. I feel empowered, in control, and content to be there alone or with my family, knowing I am stronger than any food impulse or urge to splurge. The choices are all up to me and I know what will truly make me happy in both the short term and the long run. I know and knowing is half the battle. ;) The other half is doing which will be my focus tomorrow as Tuesday is Weigh In Day. First up, my Weight Watchers meeting, then a good workout at the gym. I'm looking forward to both!

Thank you for your support these past 2 weeks. It has meant the world to me and I hope to never disappoint you. :)

~H

Day 13 - Chaos and Order

Ok, I'll admit, yesterday's blog was long and felt a bit preachy to me as I reread it today. Not sure where it came from (I blame my fingers), but hopefully tonight's chapter will be an easier read. As today was far from boring, I don't think it will be a problem. :)

As days go, today wasn't very different; just a little chaotic. Nothing seemed to work as planned. But if it wasn't for days like this, you wouldn't know just how great other days are.

My day started at 12:30pm. Yes, I know that's pretty late in the day. I'd had a feeling last night that I should set my alarm clock. But did I? Nooooooo, of course not. Bah! This is what I get for not heeding the little voice in my head. It's like having a second mother sometimes, I swear! So, I got up, stumbled quickly to the kitchen and decided to skip breakfast. I went straight to lunch and made myself the homemade fried rice that I've been craving for two days now. It's more of a sweet-n-sour meets fried rice recipe, but it makes a lot and is full of yummy goodness! I cut up some green bell pepper, scallions, tomato, and fresh pineapple (total - about 2c or so). Sauteed the mix until heated through and roasted. Added some low-sodium soy and teriyaki sauces. Stirred in 1c leftover rice from the Chinese takeout we had a few days ago, then scrambled an egg right in the middle until cooked through. Pile into a bowl, drizzle 1TBS pre-made sweet-n-sour sauce, grab a cold drink (2c water with Crystal Lite tea) and time to eat! Boy, did that hit the spot.

I figured with a good meal out of the way, it was family time, then the gym, then dinner and game night. Well... didn't exactly happen that way.

For some reason, I felt the urge to check my list of blogs and read them right then instead of at night. I think it was because the weather. I'm not sure about you, but I -LOVE- to read, especially when the skies are dark and the weather rainy. All I want to do is curl up with a great book/story and just read, read, read. Quiet, undisturbed, snuggled under my favorite comforter. Hi, my name is Bookworm and I love to read. (Everyone now... "Hi Bookworm.") So, I read my blog list early while the rain starts to come down pretty heavily. When I was done, I headed downstairs to the "Man Cave" to talk to the hubby. If I only knew what was coming next...

The "Man Cave" is (generally) my hubby's domain. He controls what furniture is there, where it goes, what decor is allowed there, and when it gets cleaned. Our computers are there as well as his bar, an entertainment center/TV viewing space, some bookcases, and general storage. The rest of us are "allowed" downstairs as long as we respect the "Man Cave" concept. I'm good with that. He needs a space to call his own, even if it's not fully his own.

So hubby and I are sitting downstairs when I start hearing water pouring. As the laundry room is downstairs as well (and running), I don't think anything of it... until I see the waterfall along the side wall near the tv area. Water is starting to pour out from behind a window! I splutter out some semblance of "Water... window... ack!!" and spring into action, unplugging everything out from the wall (right where the water is pouring down on), moving the couch, shoving a nearby towel into the window, and calling for my mom to come get our son (who was with us). Everything started happening so fast, but we knew we needed to move quickly. The rate of water coming in was increasing. A couple of blankets were shoved into the window sill to try and staunch the water flow as Scott headed to the garage to grab the carpet cleaner. My mom took our son upstairs (he's a bit freaked out at the situation) as I watch water rising up in front of the window... 1 inch... 2 inches. "Where the hell is this water coming from?!" I think. Then, as hubby is frantically trying to stay ahead of the stream, I figure out what I need to do. I head outside with a pitcher to start bailing.

Quick description... The windows in the basement are sunk down about 1/2 into the ground. The ground is kept off the window by a half-circle metal drum sunk to the level of the window. This allows light to still get in and keeps the soil from piling up around the window. At this point, the alcove is filling with water at an alarming rate and sending a stream through a small crack in the window's frame into our basement. If we hadn't been down there to notice, our basement (and everything in it) would have been ruined. Been there, done that before. Thank God we were there!

So I head outside, in my creme-colored PJs, with a pitcher and find the alcove turned into a pool. I get down on my knees into the mud and start bailing water as fast as I can. I quickly realize there has to be a source besides the rain and look around. Turns out the extension on the downspout nearby has come off and the water coming down through the gutters is just pooling alongside the house, into the alcove, and into the basement. Easily fixed!

After reattaching the downspout extension and bailing out enough water to lower the level to below the window line, I head back inside.

Soaked, muddy, tired. Yeah, I earned some exercise points today. Scott cleaned up the rest of the water and set some fans up to dry the space. Nothing was damaged and the area is by now almost completely dry. We'll be replacing the downspouts and clamps very soon!

Before this journey, I'd probably say I'd had enough exercise for one day and let myself go. Not now! After getting cleaned up, I put my exercise bag together, had a quick snack of a banana and some sugar free ice cream, and headed to the gym. I have rolls to lose, flooding or not.

Got to the gym thinking I had a little over an hour before they closed. Turns out I had less than 10 minutes! Again, before-me would have said "Nevermind" and walked away. Nope, not today-me. I went inside, jumped on a treadmill and ran for 5 minutes. Yes, me. I ran! Well, it was more like run for 2.5 minutes, walk for 1.5 minutes, run for 1 minute, but I RAN!!

This is highly significant for me as having the ability to run has been a driving motivation in not giving up. I want to run again like I did as a child; Like I did in middle school (I was in track and field). I haven't felt remotely comfortable running since freshmen year in high school in 1987. Of all the milestones on this journey, the ability to run at will is at the top; above shopping, wearing skinny clothes, fitting into seats, or being showered with complements. I want to run!

So, what I did in those 5 minutes at the gym was huge for me. I ran, and even more so, I ran on a treadmill in public! I hate the idea of doing that as I swear I sound like a herd of elephants when I do. Today, I didn't care. I had 5 minutes and I wanted to make the most of it. I think I did just that. :)

I didn't let myself off the hook when I left the gym though. I stopped at the local community college and walked the bike path around the campus, pushing myself to get a great workout. One good lap is around 1 - 1.5 miles. Add that to the 1/2 mile at the gym and the hour grocery trip I took after-wards, plus my day-to-day stair climbing and the flood emergency, my pedometer says that I made four miles today. Not too shabby.

Food-wise, I finished my daily points and used up 5.5 of the 6 activity points I earned today. It was a fight to do so after I caved at the grocery store and had some inari sushi (one of my favs!!!). This store has the best sushi outside of a good sushi bar and -never- has inari available.

For reference, Inari is fried & sweetened tofu shaped into tiny pita-like pockets and stuffed with sushi rice. Usually, it's served plain; no veggies or fish. These had a little sprinkle of spicy cocktail shrimp on top for flavor. Due to the way it's made and served, inari is one of the most points-expensive types of sushi (2 points per piece). The container, while one of the cheapest offered price-wise, had 5 pieces in it. Yep, 10 points gone in minutes. Worth it? Yep, but as a rare treat only.

After the sushi indulgence, I only had 5 points for dinner and with all of the good munchies available at game this evening, it was tough. But I stayed the course and won. Took 3+ cups of veggies with fat free dip, 1/2 slice (1/12) of pizza, 1oz Kettle chips, several glasses of diet soda, and a Weight Watchers Caramel Latte smoothie with almond milk to do it. But, in the end, I stuck to my plan and made it through another day. Whew, glad it's done!

The lesson for today? To quote the movie 'Galaxy Quest': "Never give up! Never surrender!" And that's good advice anytime. :)

~H

Day 12 - To Cake or Not to Cake?

I knew this time was coming. I've seen it looming since around the end of April. Before, it looked like a black storm cloud hovering just on the horizon, waiting... lurking... Now I can say, it's officially here.

What is this storm; this monstrosity that wishes to tear through my life, my resolve, my taste buds? It's...

IT'S......... Summer Party Season!!! *dun dun dun*

Yes, folks, Christmas and Thanksgiving's evil little sibling is upon us. While a time of great joy to many, its conniving and manipulative ways rival even Loki! Don't believe me? Read on, dear friend...

Everything seems easier in the summer; long, hot summer days stretch for hours into warm summer nights. We get together with friends and family over the BBQ grill. We go on relaxing vacations, tasting all the food and drink the region has to offer. We go to sporting events, carnivals, festivals, markets, garage sales, tourist traps of all kinds. We're on the road, in the air, hustling to get from here to there as quickly as possible to enjoy all that we can for as long as we can. We know the summer won't last and soon enough, the cool of the autumn will set in, followed by the chill of winter. There we will be, once again, cooped up in our tiny houses, shoveling snow and ice, getting sick and generally feeling miserable. Oh, woe is me! I must enjoy summer for all its worth! Now, show me to the giant margaritas and juicy burgers.

If we think about it, summer has more food traps than any season of the year! You might say "How can that be, o wise one? Youse-a talkin' crazy! Summer is full of healthy food like fresh fruit and vegetables. It's full of good weather to walk, bike, run, play, and exercise in. Where are the traps?" Well, I'm-a gonna tell ya...

During the summer, we let our guard down in many ways. We eat a little more; we drink a little more; we give in to temptation a little more, thinking that being out and active in the good weather will save us in the end. Most of the time, it doesn't. We stay indoors in the A/C or sit in our camping chairs next to the fire. Besides, if what we eat is calorie-laden and fat-heavy, the little extra activity we get won't burn off everything we've eaten. In the end, we're still hurting our efforts.

We have to remember meat is calorie-heavy, even the smaller pieces. Marinades with oil, fattier cuts of steak, and ground beef for burgers contribute much to the bottom (waist)line. Hot dogs, though smaller than you average burger, is just as bad as a burger. Check the labels.

Then you have the "salads": macaroni, pasta, potato being the main culprits. Mayo, mayo, mayo = fat, calories, fat. They will kill your goals is no time flat!

Drinks... sneaky things they are. Sodas usually run 100+ calories an 8oz serving (not per can!) Beer even more so. Cold beer on a hot day is good. A 6-pack can destroy your six-pack and let's not even talk about the margaritas and other frozen concoctions. You don't want to know! I'll just say this... have a green garden salad, lite dressing, and one SMALL margarita. Skip the appetizer, bread, and dessert and you MIGHT come out ok. The numbers on those get ugly really fast.

Ok, enough of the soapbox that somehow wormed its way under my feet. I'm sure you're just dying to know how I'm doing. Um... you are... right? Right. Ok...

This weekend, I have no less than 4 party invites plus 3 event invites plus an added get-together plus a new grill to break in. Those numbers only include Saturday and Sunday. That's 10+ chances to just kick back, relax, and indulge every temptation I could want. 10! In 2 days! Combine that with a more-voracious-than-normal Id (as in Id, Ego, Superego... yeah, making you think back to Psych 101) and I'm in a minefield. Food here, drinks there, sitting on my rear chatting with everyone and anyone... yikes! What's a girl to do? Auntie Em! Auntie Em!

Don't worry, my brave readers (well, worry a little. It lets me know you care.) Fear not for I have a plan! *dun dun dun* Let me explain... no, there is too much. Let me sum up...

Eat less. Exercise more.

There, my ingenious plan! Muhahahaha! What do you think? Too simple, you say? Ok, I shall lead by example. Let's take today (Saturday) for instance. Four birthday parties scheduled. Now, admittedly, the first one of the day, we had to drop because it happened during my son's nap time. (Sorry, Misty. Love to you guys!) There just wasn't any way around it. I was saved from cake and goodies for a few hours. Then, the graduation party (hubby's side of the family). I made sure to eat a light and healthy breakfast before we left; 2 egg whites scrambled with 2TBS shredded cheese + 1 Weight Watchers Blueberry Pie yogurt mixed with 1/2c fresh blueberries and 1/4c low fat, low sugar granola. A cup of coffee with sugar free creamer and Splenda and 1c Silk Almond milk rounded it out. Quite filling and very tasty! I also made up 20oz water bottle with some Crystal Lite tea to take with. I was now prepared to battle the temptations.

Boy, what a spread! Pulled pork (one of my favs!), macaroni and potato salads, corn, baked beans, Chex Mix, chips, sodas, and cake. Lots and lots of cake! Three different kinds! They also had a good veggie tray, but... come on! 3 kinds of cake! Yellow, chocolate, and fudge brownie. This was not going to be easy...

Actually, it was easier than I expected. Since I had had a great breakfast, I wasn't starving. HUGE help! Then, I loaded up 1/2 my plate with veggies first thing. Doesn't leave much room for the dangerous stuff. I took 1/2c pulled pork, then no more than 2TBS of everything else. Basically, I grabbed a taste, not a serving. That's all I really need most of the time anyway. I drank my 0 calorie water with the meal and was stuffed by the time I was done. Or so I thought...

Cake. There was still cake. If this event had happened even a month ago, I probably would have taken a slice... or two... or three. Maybe one for home. Not today! I had several great motivations going on for me today; a good breakfast, some pre-event planning, loading up on the veggies first, and the looks I got when I walked into that room. Holy cow! I had no less than 6 people telling me how great I looked, eyes all bugging out in amazement. It was fantastic, but not as great as what one relative said. I was told later that the relative had asked the group if Scott (my hubby) had "gotten himself a new wife?" He didn't recognize me! Now, to be fair, we don't get to see this part of the family very often and I did cut my hair since last time. Nothing that dramatic though. He just thought I was too thin to be Scott's wife. Talk about a boost!! It sent me over a cloud, I'm telling ya!

Oh, right, the cake. Did I have some cake, you're wondering. Yes. Yes, I did, but I cut a very small piece and scraped most of the frosting off as well. Even then, that "small" indulgence cost me 8 points. 8!! A 2" x 1.5" piece of cake with a thin spread of frosting. As a comparison, a normal 2"x2" piece of cake with the usual amount of frosting is 12 points. Measure out 2"x2" some day and see just how small that is. Then look at the cake case at your local restaurant. Do a quick comparison of cake size and frosting amounts. Then do a little math. Scared yet? Yeah, I know.

I did get some activity in today as well. Didn't get to the gym like I wanted, but I was able to do short bursts of walking as well as stair climbing. I have to remind myself that these pockets of activity are still exercise and count towards my fitness goals. Hafta, hafta, hafta remember that!

After all of this, I had 9 points left out of my 31 daily (all my spare weekly points were used up Friday). Believe it or not, I was able to eat dinner and have a small dessert with those 9 points; 2oz burger (90% lean meat), lettuce, tomato and dill pickle slices, ketchup + mustard bbq sauce, a whole wheat, 80-calorie bun + 1/2c baked beans and an ear of corn (plain). Dessert was strawberries and some lite Cool Whip I had left over from last week. A glass of water with Crystal Lite and I was good for the night.

So, when asked if I want cake (or a burger or a margarita) in the coming weeks, I'll probably say yes. I'll then choose a small piece, make good choices about my sides, stick with my water or diet soda, and get moving every chance I get. Life doesn't stop until you've pulled yourself together. Life keeps moving. We just have to keep moving with it. In the end, the goal may be sweet, but the journey will be even sweeter... sweeter than cake. I promise! :)

~H

(p.s. - Forgot to mention the other 2 parties tonight. I was unable to attend due to lack of funds. Still, had I been able to attend, I'm confident that I would have made some good choices. That knowledge, to me, is better than any meal!)

Day 11 - 3am Date Night

Ok kiddies, it's after 3am. Your Auntie Heather got caught up in reading blogs, then tweaking her blog layout, then realized that she should have been in bed over 2 hours ago. Oops! Well, a quick blog because I'm not leavin' ya hanging tonight. Short and sweet...

Friday is date night for the hubby and me. Today, we took advantage of some new attractions Rockford has started this summer. First up was the new City Market. Think farmers market with added artisans, non-profits, and other organizations mixed in. Everything sold or represented is local (within 150 miles) and it's only going to get better! More vendors are slated to join the Market in the coming weeks, so I'm thinking this is going to become a weekly excursion for us! Good food, great local tidbits to explore, and exercise all at the same time.

But wait! There's more...

Friday nights also include Friday Nite Flix in the park. Yes, folks, free movies each Friday night only a reasonably short walk away. While we may have to go home in between the Market and the movie for dinner/playtime with our son, we'll be back in time to stretch out on the lawn with whatever (healthy) munchies I've packed for us. I was great at ignoring the free popcorn tonight and I don't think it'll be a problem on future nights either. Tonight, we enjoyed items that were purchased earlier in the evening at the Market: fresh organic fruit, low-calorie drinks, a small bag of elk jerky (Yes, I said elk), a small bag of caramel corn, and some gourmet cheese with the leftover baguette from my salad at dinner.

Oh! Dinner! Almost forgot!

Dinner was light (at least for me) before we hit the flick. We stopped at a lovely restaurant downtown called Octane. It's known for its yummy daily specials, amazing martinis and delicious coffee drinks. Think cafe/bistro/local muckety muck hangout. Hubby Scott had a gazillion-calorie burger with cheese, bacon, and chili (had a bite. Damn tasty!) and I had the soup and salad. Now, don't feel bad for me. The soup was Lemon Carrot Ginger Bisque (less cream, more carrot ginger!) and the side salad was baby greens with a touch of blue cheese, apple slices, candied walnuts and a balsamic vinaigrette I might kill to get the recipe for. I only used about 1/3 of the dressing I was given, but it was plenty. Both items had so much flavor, I had no problem going vegetarian for the meal. The salad came with a mini garlic French baguette which we wrapped up and took with us to the movie. Went beautifully with the cheese, jerky, and fruit.

All in all, a evening to remember with many more planned in similar fashion throughout the summer. Oh, in case you're wondering, tonight's movie was "Raiders of the Lost Ark". Classic!! Next week... "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone". Yes, we'll be there. This house is a Harry Potter house after all. :)

Ok, blog (and Day 10) done and done. Now, off to sleep... 3 hours late. Zzzzzzzzzzzz........

Day 10 - Fan Girl and MacFarlane

Wow, where to start tonight? I've just spent the last couple of hours reading through blog posts on a few different sites, gaining tidbits of insight and whispers of wisdom in the process. I am rewriting the script my inner "little voice" has been reading from for so many years. The old negative lines are slowly being replaced with more positive lines, woven together from many sources, then edited as needed.

I look back 10 days ago and see Sir Patrick Stewart (as Capt. Jean Luc Picard of course) stating one of his famous quotes from Star Trek NG: "The line must be drawn here! This far, no farther!" That's pretty much how I felt when I started this line of blogging. I had to do something! I was at a loss, in a shambles, but knowing that I would not, could not allow my self-destructive choices to continue. I needed to take a stand and fight. But first, I had to make one small, but massively important tweak in my system. I needed to change my internal dialogue. I somehow knew that that would make all the difference.

Enter a singular blog: (http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/) which led to a few other blogs which has led to me blogging about my own journey. In 10 short days, my inner voice has gone from heavily leaning towards the negative to very much leaning towards the positive. I see it like a scene from the movie Titan A.E...

The main character, Cale, has to find a way to power the ship, Titan. He figures out a way to channel the baddies, the Drej (made from pure energy) through the Titan's power system, thus creating the power needed for the Titan to do its work: making a new Earth-like planet. Not a small task to say the least. In other words, Cale took the negative energy (baddies trying to kill him) and turned it into positive energy (a new Earth for all of the human survivors to live on.) No matter what was thrown at him in that final battle, he refused to give up until he accomplished his goal. Not a bad lesson to take away from an animated "kids" movie.

At a time when I couldn't form the proper story/soundtrack in my mind, I discovered others whose words spoke to me, found the common threads in their tales, and let those words and images replace my broken pieces until my mind began to generate its own. Now, every night, I read, then write. I read the positive, inspiring tales of others, allowing their words to touch my mind and impart their lessons. I then turn to this page and begin writing my own tale; my own life lessons spilling forth from my brain, through my fingertips, and onto this page. What do you take away from this? Only you can know the answer. I hope it's positive, whatever the answer is.

I bet your now asking "What's with the MacFarlane reference in the title?" Tonight, I got to the gym with about 65 minutes left until they closed. Before, I would have used that as a perfect excuse not to workout. Not tonight! I got up on the treadmill, set the timer for 55 minutes, then set my speed to match it. Best time for me walking 5K? 60 minutes flat + 5 minute cooldown. I knew I wouldn't have enough time, so I walked and walked hard! In the end, I walked 5K in 56 minutes + 3 minute cooldown. Shaved 4 minutes off my best time! What helped? TBS was playing the Family Guy spoof on Star Wars called "Blue Harvest." Soooooooo funny!! I think everyone was giving me funny looks as I kept breaking out into giggles. Still, made the hour speed by. Coolest workout so far! Oh, and I was the last patron out the door of the gym. How's that for dedication? :)

Oh yeah, fan girl here got a comment from -two- of her inspirations. Woohoo! They like me! They really like me! *cough* Em... er... Sorry about going all Sally Field there for a sec, but it was -very cool- to see those comments attached to my last post. Guess it's time to hang up some of my hang-ups now.

Well, actually, it's time for me to get some sleep. At least tomorrow is Friday, which means I get to sleep in. Yay! G'night everyone. May your dreams be peaceful and your days happy!

Day 9 - Bravery Takes Many Forms

Today was not special by any stretch of the imagination. Connor, my son, woke me up bright and early as usual. I had my usual cup of coffee with sugar free vanilla caramel creamer and Splenda (yummy!). I made one of my favorite breakfasts (Egg Beaters veggie scramble with shredded cheese and turkey bacon wrapped in a low fat, whole wheat, low carb tortilla.) Read the paper, played with my son, lunch, snuggled with him for a nap, then more playing and dinner. I watched the Chicago Blackhawks clinch the Stanley Cup (GO HAWKS!!) and the Top Chef Masters finale (I do so love that show.) Quick snack, then onto my evening routine. I read the latest entry and about 2-4 past entries on http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/, then come here and write my own. Then I get some sleep. Seems like a fairly typical day, right? Well, yes and no.

Today, I did something that, for me, is brave. I came out of the shadows and posted a comment on my inspiration's blog. Doesn't sound like much? You don't know me. I'm the type of person who's terrified of being judged. Whether by strangers or by close friends, it doesn't matter. It goes to the point of being completely irrational, almost paranoia. Oooo, someone's thinking bad about me, ooooo. While I'm giggling as I write this because it just sounds so crazy, I have been like this most of my life and, as I blogged about earlier this past week, part of the reason why I eat when I don't need or even want to. I use food as a way of comforting my inner psyche that feels hurt, left out, not interesting enough, not cool enough, ugly (both physically and emotionally), not acceptable...

Oh boy, that's a big one right there. Not acceptable. I am not acceptable. Who I am is not acceptable. Because I (the judgee) am different from you (the judger), I am not acceptable. I'm not doing "_________" right. Wow, kinda powerful there. I have felt this since I was a child, but it was something I was never able to talk about to others (at least outside of a shrink's office).

Eating is about control. Every day, we control what we put into our mouths. We control if/when/how we exercise. We fix our hair or not. We wear clothes or not. (Hey, I'm not judging.) Something we as humans cannot control is how others see us, think about us, judge us on a day-to-day basis and therein lies a constant source of stress. Some folks don't let that stress get to them. Others, like myself, constantly worry about it, leaving parts of our inner selves tangled in stress knots. We seek out ways to comfort ourselves. Some jump out of perfectly good airplanes (oh, brother dear...) Others, like myself, seek out an easier, cheaper, more readily accessible form of comfort. We eat. I eat... and eat... and eat. From the gourmet (chicken breakfast crepes with brie cream sauce) to the desperate (half-eaten piece of cake sitting on top of the garbage can.) I've force-fed myself week-old casserole that wasn't even good the day it was fresh and sneaked a loved one's dessert. Something, anything to put into my mouth in an attempt to squelch the feeling of "not being good enough."

How does all of this relate to being brave? This week, I started down a new path for me. I have decided not to hide in the shadows any longer. Fear and negativity live in shadows. To make my way down a positive path, I needed to come into the light, to put myself out there, honestly and completely. I needed to find what really makes me tick so I can learn to accept myself and recognize my strengths. It is by doing this and committing myself to continuing this path that I will ultimately become the person I am meant to be. Not that what's going on right now isn't half bad, but man does not progress by standing still.

What I did today was take another small step out of the shadows of fear and self-doubt. I would normally be terrified of posting a comment on a stranger's blog, especially one as open as I did. Terrified of being judged by others as a crazy, desperate, pathetic stalker-type. Think of those women who throw themselves at convicted murders in jail. Yeah, being judged like that. So, for me, that one small post is indeed an act of bravery; one of many to come, I'm sure.

But, for now, all acts of bravery must wait a few hours as I get some rest. This post ran longer than expected, but in a good way. I am thankful for the rush of thoughts and ideas. Each one brings me closer to my self and reminds me of my successes. That's great motivation anytime!

Oh, and if you're reading this, Sean, welcome to my blog! I can only hope you will not be running away, screaming in terror, after you read it. Somehow, I think everything will be ok. :)

~H

Day 8 - Weigh In Day

Although it is waaaaaayyy late for me (need my beauty sleep and all), I had to write just a small blog tonight. Why give up sleep to do this? I have discovered that I sleep much more calmly when I get my daily thoughts out each night. Seems to help where sleeping pills didn't. It also helps me to focus myself for the next day and, on occasions such as today, I get to brag just a little about my successes.

Today was weigh-in day for me at my Weight Watchers meeting. I had hoped my revamped efforts and newly-found dedication would produce some results and I was not disappointed. This week, I lost 2.6lbs, bringing my grand total to date to 30.2lbs. I have finally found a major key in making this weight loss journey a success which led to me blasting through my most recent plateau. I had to do a little happy dance when I heard that. Felt so good to know I had achieved this goal!

It has taken me 55 weeks to lose 30lbs. While that may seem a little slow, I now see the time as a much-needed learning experience. I have always had major problems with achieving any long-term goals. I've always seen myself as a sprinter, not as a long distance-type of person. Well, that's changing every day. For 55 weeks, I refused to give up on myself, even if I wasn't "on plan." I refused to throw in the towel and walk away. Nope. I was going to struggle, to fight, to tear myself down and rebuild myself from the ground up if I had to, but I was going to succeed. Now, more than ever, I believe I will see 145lbs. But, my focus now is on the next goal: another 5lb loss. Small steps = success and I'm once again on my way!

Time to log my weight loss on the WW site, then off to bed. Sleep well, everyone! Thank you for your continued support. :)

Day 7 - Sore, Quiet, and Sleepy

Nope, not talking Seven Dwarfs here. Just me. It's all about me. Muhahahaha... *cough* Er, ehm... Anyway...

Nope, today I am sore. Yep, I am feeling the results of yesterday's 5K. Yeouch! Mainly the sides of my thighs and a little in the rear end section, but nothing my good friend Ibuprofen and some stretching hasn't helped. Besides, the pain reminds me of what I've accomplished so far. I can't help but be a little proud of myself. Through a lot of love, support, understanding, and struggle, I can say I am 29+ lbs lighter and have a 5K under my belt. That's huge for me! I've refused to give up on myself this past year, no matter how bad I felt, no matter how many times I've wanted to quit. Nope, I just keep finding ways to get past my hurdles, push myself a little farther, and make it to new milestones. I know that my current inspirations and momentum will hold up for quite a while. I also know I'll probably hit more roadblocks in the future that I'll have to fight through. I'm good with that.

I told one of the WW leaders yesterday, as I rounded the final turn of the walking path, that next year, I'm going to run the 5K. She smiled big and let out a loud cheer. Even with great encouragement like that, I still had an internal moment as soon as I said it. That little voice inside saying "Uh oh. Why did you say that?! What happens when you fail to run the 5K? You're going to hate yourself again. You're setting yourself up to fail again. Don't be an idiot!"

I hate that voice. Guess I'm going to have to prove it wrong. I admit it; I'm scared. Me? Run? A dream I have had since I was in high school. The last time I could do any kind of running was junior year of high school on the varsity soccer team. I remember we had to run a mile before practice, a mile after practice, sprints, drills, oh so much running for a good 2 hours each night. I remember how the coach would make the person who finished the mile lap last run it again. Guess who that was for the first few weeks. Then I started to push myself. It was hard, but I was determined -not- to be the last girl running. It worked. I was never the best, but I did make it into the middle of the pack by the season's halfway point. Then I quit. Not because I wasn't any good, but because the drama department had rearranged its schedule and I found myself with a lead role. Theater was my passion and I went with it. No regrets except one; because I didn't finish the season, I never received my varsity letter. Had the jacket and everything. My school didn't give out letters for theater, so I owned a letter-less jacket for years. Oh well. I know I made the team. Guess that's a success I need to remember, even after all of these years.

I will run the 5K next year. I know I can. Time to get past the fears and start working towards that dream. I need to push past the fear of failing; the fear of looking (and sounding) like an elephant on the treadmill; the fear of being judged and/or laughed at. Makes me wish I had an iPhone or other device that supported the "Couch to 5K" app some of my cousins and friends are using to help them achieve this same goal. Oh well, time to get creative. Time to set up a plan. Time to start... no, not start. Time to -continue- succeeding. Yeah, I like that better. :)

Weigh in day is tomorrow. I'm hoping for some good numbers to encourage me. But, for now, the experts say weight loss success starts with a good night's sleep. Can't argue with that. Sleep tight!

Day 6 – Good Days and Good Friends

The time may seem a little off with this blog, but it seems Blogger was down when I went to post this. So, please forgive the timing mix up. I'll try to remember Sunday night maintenance from now on. ~H

Today (Sunday) was a wonderful day for me. The hubby and I get to sleep in thanks to my mom watching our son in the morning. It's our one chance every week to have that time together and we cherish it. While a part of me wanted nothing more than to stay in bed as long as I could with him, today was a big day for me. Today, I completed my first official 5K! As I said in my Day 5 post, Weight Watchers organized this 5K “Walk-It Challenge” program over the last several weeks, culminating on Sunday with 5K walks held all over the country. (Members could organize their own as well if they wanted.) I had jumped at the chance of completing this when it was first announced and have been anxiously looking forward to it for weeks! Well, Sunday was the day and I was ready!

The walk itself took place on the walking path that runs around a nearby community college. Lovely grounds and close to home. Everyone signed in as they arrived, then took off down the path. We were told 3 laps equaled a little over 5K with a water stop at the end of each lap. Sounded good to me! I fired up my iShuffle and headed out. I'm so very glad I walked 5K both days at the gym this week as it gave me a good idea as to time and stride. I wouldn't have known that 1) it would take me an hour to walk and 2) that I could withstand walking for an hour straight. To feel such a sense of accomplishment...!
Just... wow! It helped me prepare for this day and I took full advantage of it.

I walked alone for the first two laps, which was fine as I could set a great pace, jam out on my music, and just enjoy the day. It was mostly sunny with a wonderful cool breeze, but I could see the nasty storm clouds rolling past. I knew it was just a matter of time before one decided to hang out in my part of town and I didn't want to not finish. Kept me going!

During the third lap, I came across a fellow meeting member and a member from a different town. I slowed my pace a little and we walked the remaining distance together. We shared food tips, gossip tidbits, and other WW small talk. I shared with them my new-found online inspiration (http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/) and my current love of Edy's low fat sugar free Butter Pecan ice cream. I hope they check out both.

As we three rounded the final turn, it was obvious we had to pick up the pace and cross the finish. The very dark clouds looming ahead of us were ready to open up. We crossed the finish line, said our goodbyes, and headed directly for our cars. I had enough time to drive home, park, and start making some lunch when the rains came. It poured for all of 20 minutes. Maybe 30? Then the sun came back out and all was right with the world again. Figures. As for the rest of the day, I made some healthy choices, knowing that later in the evening some of my friends would be coming over for game night and bringing lots of food.

You see, I'm a gamer; have been one all of my life. Started when my parents relented to us kids and bought us an Atari 2600. Then it was a Nintendo (original, not Super). Then I received a Sega Genesis as a prize. I learned to program in BASIC on my dad's “portable computer” in the 80s and played Qbert on it when he let me. In 1989, when I was 16, I was given my first set of dice and my D&D (1st Ed) Players Handbook, adding Roleplayer to my Gamer title. In 1993, I added LARPer as well. Since then, I have GM'd both “pencil and dice” games as well as wrote and GM'd my own LARP. I have worked with other GMs on multiple endeavors over the years with varying degrees of success, most recently with my husband. I have now been a gamer for over half of my life (21 years) and will continue to proudly be a part of the gaming community for years to come.

That said, for all of the non-gamers out there, the normal gaming diet consists of chips & fattening dips, fast food of all types, and copious amounts of soda, many of the caffeinated variety. While this may be a bit of a stereotype, it's held mostly true for many years (and still does to some extent). But, as today's title states, I have good friends. My friends who come over on Sunday nights saw me struggling on a weekly basis to not dive into the mountain of snack food piled high on the dining room table. They saw me sigh... a lot... into my tiny bag of popcorn, drinking glass after glass of water, and eventually giving in anyway. I forgot exactly how it came about, but I believe a discussion started one fateful day a few months ago regarding me following Weight Watchers, what the points were for each snack, how bad some fast food items truly are, and how rough it can be for me each week with all of the delicious smells, sounds, and tastes just staring me in the face. While nothing was spoken of right then, what happened the next week made me realize just how great my friends are.

The next week rolled around and I tried to leave some points available to me to deal with the upcoming onslaught of food. As it turns out, I need not have worried. People filtered in and, instead of Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Doritos, Mountain Dew, and all of the other regular fare, I saw veggie trays, containers of fresh fruit, low fat dip, fat free beans (for dip), diet soda, and only 1 bag of chips (a higher end brand too!) I was overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness and willingness to help me on my journey. It was humbling to know I had an even better support system than I realized! Oh yeah, we chowed down that night and every game night since. There are always fresh fruit and veggies, combined with a bag or two of really good chips. A dip is usually available and I always keep a fat free dip here for me and anyone who wants to share. We now get -one- pizza that everyone shares (I take 1 piece only) and my hubby's best friend always makes sure I get a 2 liter of my favorite diet soda. I still splurge, but now I do it sensibly. I measure out my 1oz of chips and only keep those next to me. I only take my 1 slice of pizza and I always make sure I have the points available first.

In changing our eating habits like this, we've all discovered that we prefer the healthy goodies to the fattening ones most of the time. By the time the pizza is usually ready, we're just about full. One slice and we're set! It works out beautifully.

I have a few other friends who, when they cook items they know I'm going to be eating, always make sure to have a few healthier choices available. They understand when I don't eat large quantities of everything they make and don't push food onto me; the “Oh, just have a bite” sort of rhetoric.

I have some great friends and I am grateful!

Wow, long post. Ok, off to bed for me. Keep on movin' ya'll! ;)

~H