Day 86 - No beginning, no end

Tuesday was Weigh In Day at my Weight Watchers meeting. It was... to say the least... shocking. Up 8 pounds?! In two weeks?! I'm seriously thinking salt-related fluid retention has a big part to play in this. I know my choices haven't been their best lately, but that just seems... inflated... somehow. Ah well, didn't help that I ate a small, yet high sodium meal less than an hour prior to weigh in. Yeah, yeah, I know. Dumb move on my part to be sure. For me, that shows me where my weight loss priorities are currently; not high enough on my inner "To Do Now" list. Time to take stock in those priorities and get moving in a more positive direction.

I know I could blame it on my recent vacation, my annoying cold, how busy I've been... I could come up with a good half-dozen solid excuses as to why I haven't been tracking, haven't been exercising, haven't been making better food choices. I could even start saying "Ok, time to get back on the wagon and start again" but that wouldn't be accurate. I wouldn't be starting again. Why? Because I never stopped.

Even with the not-so-healthy choices, the binge eating, the lack of tracking/exercising/self-control, this journey is not about starting and stopping. It's about living... day to day... choice by choice. It doesn't stop because of a few "bad" weeks. It doesn't re-start by choosing a salad over a loaded baked potato. Every decision, every choice is just one step on your journey.

Hmmm... let me put it this way... I see life as a tapestry. Each choice I make is a thread in that tapestry. Every event, every moment I experience is a thread, woven together over time, creating the story that is my life so far. Each detail... from food to marriage to my son to every smile I've smiled and every tear I've shed... makes up the overall look of that tapestry. The tapestry just goes on and on. The only time it started was the moment I was born. The only time it will end will be the day I die. Everything else, whether I'm "on plan" or not just becomes one more detail, one more thread in the tapestry.

How does this relate to weight loss? Bear with me...

I've been reading a number of blogs lately and it seems to be going around; the "bad days/weeks/etc", the pain and difficulties of life, the crappier end of the stick so to speak. It's going around, oh yes, even in my life. My heart goes out to each and every one who is experiencing a rough time. I wish I could round all of us up, have several 2-point Baja Bob Sugar Free margaritas, some low-fat ice cream, and a hell of a lot of hugs. Misery may love company, but I think time with supportive friends can help kick Misery to the curb, even if for only a short while. If you're one of those having a bitch of a time recently, consider yourself hugged from me. :)

Getting back to the topic at hand... tough times... even the truly hideous ones... are a part of each person's tapestry, a part of your life. I've seen so many people (myself included) blogging about "starting over again." But that doesn't happen. It can't. Something was mentioned in my Weight Watchers meeting on Tuesday... the diet mentality. We are, as a "dieting" culture, so brainwashed into thinking of losing weight and getting healthy in terms of a "time" frame; either we're dieting or we're not. Even when we take it one choice at a time, there's still this underlying, subconscious belief that eating healthy, exercising, tracking... when we do all of these things that we're "on plan" / on the right path / being good. But, if we eat poorly, don't exercise, don't track or portion, we're "off plan" / off the path / being bad and that we have start over again. This idea, this knowledge has led me to conclude the following:

True life-long weight loss cannot be achieved until the concept of weight loss is completely banished from one's mind. It must be seen (and believed) as acts taken to achieve good overall (and life-long) health.

As steps are taken to achieve a healthy body, mind and spirit, the weight loss will occur, the "wagon" mentality (on or off) will fade away, and a greater sense of peace with the process should take hold. This brings the process down to a series of on-going choices without the negative pressure of needing to be perfect; the wretched "I've had a bad day (i.e. I'm a bad person today), so I'll start again (i.e. I'll be a good person) tomorrow."

At least that's the incredibly philosophical theory...

Wow, where the heck did all of that come from?? Whew, my brain hurts now.

So, I am looking at my choices today and I can see what I did to help my body become healthier and where I took in more than my body needed. Overall, I think I chose fairly well, but I do need more veggies and fruit. Maybe a late night baked potato with broccoli and a banana is in order.

I will be keeping my water intake up like I have been the last day or so. I'm feeling confident in that area.

In terms of exercise, I did feel well enough to get to the grocery store, so I did walk/shop for an hour today. It's a start.

Even though it's getting late, I am starting work on another cake for a friend's birthday this weekend. I believe I'm in the right frame of mind to deal with all of the temptations associated with this. Good way to start the weekend. :)

I leave you with this thought...  "Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it.  The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use."  ~Earl Nightingale

Good night, my friends...

~Heather