March 15th Weigh In (Official WW)

WW Weigh-In for March 15st: 224.6 lbs

Weight Lost since Last Weigh In: -3.6 lbs

Total Weight Lost since May 2009: 37.6 lbs

Highest Weight: 262.2 (May 2009)
Lowest Weight: 224.6  (Mar 2011)


Wow... Here I am again at 224; a milestone weight... a benchmark.  If you haven't read my post from last August regarding hitting 224, check it out here. Up until last Aug, I hadn't been 224 in 10 years. That's a long time! The first time, losing weight was a positive benefit to a traumatic time in my life. It was completely unintentional, but I've always remembered being that weight; the feeling of my formerly-tight size 26 pants falling down, being able to fit into clothes that didn't make me feel like I was wearing a tent... Above all others, I remember the feeling of hope that I would one day see my weight start with a 1 and not a 2. But, as it wasn't deliberate and I didn't make any lasting changes to my life, the weight came back and I was, once again, fat.

In May 2009, those size 26s were... again... tight, but this time I chose to change my life! This time, I was going to fight for as long as it took and I was going to win. For my life, for my health, for my family, for myself... I had to change my life.

I had no idea how this journey would go; the psychological aspect, the emotional rollercoaster, the constant re-committing myself to making these changes first, last, and always. It's been a crazy ride!

Fast forward to August 2010. I'm about to leave for a long-awaited vacation with the hubby, but I have one last weigh-in at my Weight Watchers meeting. The number comes up... 224.8. Wow... I think I nearly cried. Yeah, I misted up a bit. 10 long years since I've seen that number come up on the scale. Ten... years... So many years... So many changes... This time, though, I earned it.

Then my world was rocked in a negative way. Our financial situation fell through the floor. I had to drop Weight Watchers. I lost my momentum, my main support, my crutch. I tried to make good choices, but I was inconsistent. I tried to go work out, but I disliked the gym I ended up at and then I had to leave that. I became very depressed and went back to self-medicating with food. That added guilt and anger to the mix which didn't help at all. As it has been described to me, it was a cluster-f**k. Yeah... not good.

By the time 2011 started, I knew I had to pull myself together. There was no other option in my mind. I couldn't give up. Period. So, on Jan. 1st, I started to track. I started to go to my local YMCA (thanks to my wonderful Mother-in-law for the membership!!) I started to pull myself out of the hole. It wasn't a perfect journey. I stumbled a lot. A whole lot. I hit bottom in January when I went on a binge. This was deliberate. I made the decisions, the choices even though I felt totally out of control. I left my WW meeting (after gaining for the 3rd week in a row), went directly to McDonald's and ordered 2 full breakfasts. I ate them in the car. Then I went to the grocery store. While shopping, I picked up 3 of the most decadent donuts I could find. 2 of them never made it home. (The third was finished off at home later.) This brought me to tears and I found myself back at WW. The time to do this had been so short that my leader was still there (we were the last meeting of the day). She saw me, hugged me and brought me inside. All I can say is that she saved me that day. Thanks to her and that day, I've found the strength and focus I've needed to get back to 224. (To read the whole story, click here and here.)

Since then, I have been making lots of changes to my diet, to my lifestyle, to my life in general. I am more motivated than ever to see those numbers on the scale be what I want them to be, to feel my body be able to move the way I want it to move and to know that I'm setting a good example for my family, especially my son. Even though I have had to leave WW again, I have set myself up at My Fitness Pal. I'm tracking calories in & calories out. I'm making good choices. I'm pushing myself in my exercises. I'm reaching out to any and all support resources. This time, I'm putting my health and my goals higher up on the priority list. I want to succeed. I need to succeed. I am going to succeed. I am succeeding!

I will become the person I want to be!

So, here I am again. This time, I don't feel like I've reached goal. This time, I will see my skinny jeans as the jeans I'm going to look back at as my fat pants. This time, I'm thisclose to reaching One-der-land. I can do this. I must put forth effort. I must step out of my comfort zone and reach for that brass ring. Reaching goal is no longer a dream. It's a reality as long as I work towards it.

Today... is just the beginning...

224.6 - 199.9 = 24.7lbs.

I. Can. Do. This.

I. Will. Do. This.

Just watch me work! :)